to be competitive

To be competitive

When we think of someone who is competitive, our minds tend to think of that one boy from primary school who always tried too hard in sport. Competitiveness is all I've ever known. It started as just being the fastest or having the best ideas; but over time, as my competitive nature was the only thing that seemed consistent, it had attached itself to me, like a parasite to my brain. It became destructive. Destructive to myself, destructive to my friends, destructive to every aspect of daily life. I soon found myself comparing every part of me, to every part of everyone else. "She has better grades than me", "she has better hair than me", "she has better handwriting than me", soon evolved to "she's skinnier than me", "how come everyone likes her and not me?". As this destructive way of life continued, I became more and more in love with everyone else, and fell out of love with myself. The saying 'you can't truly love someone else until you love yourself' is true. I lost every positive thing I had in life and found myself stuck in a painful and isolating loop. I lost all my connections to real life all because I fantasied about being someone I am not. Someone who is impossible to be like. As I now sit with my perfect imperfections, I am slowly learning to finally love and accept myself for who I am, and with the help of others, free myself from the parasite that has taken over my life. Competitiveness