Just me writing, and for you to read :)

Rant :))))))

NO TRIGGERS SO DONT WORRY:)

Yeah so I guess I screwed up, cuz everyone told me when I came out that you would constantly question everything. I didn't listen and now im here in another dilemma. 

So like I told my friend that I officially dropped the term lesbian cuz if I change my mind when im older I won't feel guilty ig and no one can have a say in who I like. I guess I could use pansexual or like something else but I think I like unlabeled cuz its more neutral ig?

Well I choose lesbian cuz I didn't like men an I do think in the beginning I wanted to be kinda special but then I realized I actually didn't like dudes or the though of being with a dude. So yeah. And then I choose nonbinary cuz I dont feel like I fit in with girl or boy. But I dont know if that feels right now or not. Like I kinda want to use agenda cuz honestly I feel like people use nonbinary as another term for a third gender but like its supposed to be neither and not both, which is what I feel like the term nonbinary is starting to get. And I feel like im something outside of the binary genders and I just want to be. But I dont think people ovally would understand so im keeping nonbinary. I kinda want to use all pronouns but like she/her doesn't feel exactly right but I do misgender myself way to much and use them. 

So I dont know if im not nonbinary or if I am. But im just going to go with the flow.

anyways, what I was saying is that I ditched the label lesbian for unlabeled instead if I change myself in the future ( and then people won't say I said so or like you just faked) and also cuz I still feel like Im wrong for being gay, thanks to my parents ig, so internalized homophobia ig. honestly, also I just realized this won't be good grammar cuz I can't be bothered, I just want to have a relationship preferably with a girl and mostly with this one girl I kinda have a crush on but also not?

I mean she did say we would never work cuz we are to similar but I couldn't care less cuz she Is hot and stuck on my mind and awesome. Right and this dude from my church who is bisexuall and like so fun said that when I came out as lesbian he was like" well damn it" which honestly boosted my ego so much. But yeah he is such a good friends. I do think people thinks we are together but honestly I can't see him in that way. He is just a friend. 

Now when I think about it I can't really see anyone one of my dude friends as something romantically which I guess was why I took the title as lesbian. Okay no im not going to buy into this anymore cuz im confused as it is. 

Bye, and until the next one

-E