A Part Of Me

Falling away

Warning- 

                  So this story has a lot of thoughts of depression (postpartum), and even suicidal thoughts/actions so if you are uncomfortable, please just skip the entire chapter because it just gets more intense to the end! 

It was a hard couple of weeks at first for the Northstar boys. They knew it was going to be a challenge but this was on a whole new level. Between Isabella's crying and then Isaiah's, it was just hectic. They're fans had understood of course, but some of them were starting to get antsy since youtube videos have been stopped, and then less of TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram as well. Then after about a month of them figuring out their routines, and planning other things for the babies, it became better for them. They started to do more social media, and even go to some events. However, other things have started as well. For instance, Darren.

After giving birth to his daughter, Darren felt really happy at first. He spent every moment with his daughter and Sebastian and loved being with the guys all the time. It was so good at first, he was so freaking happy with his baby finally in his arms, but then it changed. He just woke up one morning feeling sad and the feeling of loneliness was in his head.

The first morning after 3 weeks of giving birth... Darren woke up from Isabella crying, and slowly got up to go feed his daughter. He then put her back down before going to the bathroom, his stomach was hurting. As he went to the bathroom, he started crying again, putting his head in his hands. He hated the awful feeling and it wasn't going away. From there, he took off his clothes and got into the shower. It was warm and it helped him out a lot. Then his mind wandered off, that maybe it was just easier to give up. Sebastian didn't need him, and neither did his baby. Isabella would be perfect without him. He didn't even notice when he fell but he felt the water fall into his face. The only difference between the tears falling down his face and the water from the shower was the loud cries from his mouth.

He felt so awful for thinking this, but it was true, everyone would be so happy without him. He hit his hands on the floor crying more...

Then arms were holding him. He looked up to see Sebastian in his basketball shorts just staring at him with so much concern. Great, now I made him worried Darren thought. He just cried more as Sebastian held him close to him. Sebastian. "Shh baby, it's okay. I got you, I'm here." Darren kept crying into Sebastian's arms until the water got cold. Sebastian turned off the water and grabbed a towel wrapping it around Darren before guiding him into their bedroom. Sebastian had changed already into warm clothes, and he picked out some pj shorts and a t-shirt for Darren. He put his socks on him as well and guided Darren under the covers. He laid in bed holding Darren closely.

Darren. "I'm sorry for worrying you. You must hate me." Sebastian was in shock, he couldn't believe that Darren would really think he hated him. He just held him closer and kissed his head. Sebastian. "I would never hate you. I just want to know what happened." Darren felt overwhelmed, and a strong sense of anxiety crept into his veins. Darren. "I don't know what's going on with me, I don't even have an answer. I'm just tired Sebastian." It was a clear first sign of what was going on with him, but Sebastian at the time didn't know what it meant. All he could remember from there is Darren always being tired.

Three months later, and Sebastian has been tending to their baby more than anything and it makes Darren feel sad like Sebastian only wanted him because of their baby. Sebastian on the other hand has been so worried for Darren, trying everything to keep him happy and also active with them. At this point, Darren can't even look at his baby before busting into tears and pushing her away. Sebastian doesn't know why Darren doesn't want him or the baby anymore and that makes him want to cry. Darren has been feeling all sorts of things in the last month, from insomnia to intense sadness/anxiety to feeling irritated with everything to now not even bonding with his baby. He cries when he can't hold her for long, or talk to Sebastian for more than 10 minutes. He doesn't even really talk to the guys that much anymore. It's to the point now that Sebastian is starting to just get mad, that Darren is just making an excuse now to not be with his daughter anymore or him. That Darren has lost all love for the two and wants to do his own thing.