Talking

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I sat on the couch as Mom and Dad argued in their room. I hear the bedroom door slam then Dad comes down the stairs. Dad always knew I hated when they fought and I got scared when he yelled, I still did and he still remembers.

"Let's go get ice cream." Dad smiles at me making me smile as I walk over to him.

We get outside and go to his car. Then, Dad sighs as he looks out the back window and pulls out of the driveway.

"Honey, I need your honest opinion." Dad says as he glances at me making me sit up straight.

"What's up?" I ask as Dad sighs.

"I think I want to divorce your Mother." Dad says as he looks over at me then back at the road.

"I hate putting you under stress, having to listen to us fight and I know how much you hate when I yell. I just don't think it's fair for you. Especially with what your Mother says about you." Dad explains as I nod slowly.

"I think you should. We both know Mom's family doesn't like us and that Mom kinda holds us back." I say as Dad nods.

"And she only stayed with me because I got her pregnant with the most amazing daughter. Maybe you could talk to her, see what she thinks. I mean we have been married since we were 18, so it's been a long 21 years. And your Mother never wants to celebrate our anniversary, she also never remembers." Dad frowns making me frown, seeing he's pretty hurt just thinking about it.

"Just tell me what you want to say to Mom, it seems like you need to, Dad." I say as I hold his hand and start recording with my phone on my lap.

"I love you with my whole heart, my whole fucking being for fucks sake, Stella, but you never give me the same love." Dad starts as he lets out a deep breath.

"I wish you would tell me that you love me like you used to." Dad's voice breaks as my heart sinks.

"I want to hold you and kiss you and have it be like when we first had our little Raven. I remember how excited you were everytime you saw me and I remember how giddy you'd get when I would give you a simple kiss." Dad starts to cry as he pulls into the ice cream parlor parking lot.

"Can't we just rewind to how it used to be? You told me I was a breath of fresh air, new life you couldn't wait to be with. Now, it's just like you don't want me, or us, ever again. You told me yourself, you'll always belong to me and I always told you I'll always belong to you. I just wish you would change your mind, tell me you're just lost in your head. Overthinking. Cause I'm sure as hell overthinking everything. Your body language, the tones you talk to me in, how you don't intertwine your fingers with mine, or how you don't even cuddle me anymore, or kiss me. There's so much fixing and I'm the only worker on site, like you left for something better. Now, all I can do is say how much I love you and how sorry I am for hurting you over the years, cause then maybe, just maybe, you'd still love me. I covered my tracks, but couldn't help my pride when we argue, saying anything to hurt you as bad as you hurt me. I howled a fucking wrecking ball at my darling porcelain bunny as I fell from your grace. And it's killing me that I shattered your heart and left a crack in that beautiful smile that I still love, even when I haven't seen it in so long. You always used to say 'We bend before we break', but my hope is fleeting as I stay tethered to this grim being I am. You feed my ravenous, fearful mind wonderful lies. I can barely stand myself when I scare you, I even scare myself. God knows I've tried Stella, but I bow to the horrendous beast inside every time. I know nothing I say will make you love me again, but I still do love you. So, it seems your story starts where mine ends, you find life in my cause of death, and I'll always belong to you, my beautiful bunny." Dad says as he lets the tears storm down his face.

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