PENUMBRA

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SEEING?

[... chk-chk-chk... ]

The dreadful, exasperating sound of a pencil scratching against paper.

[ ... chk-chk-chk... ]

It echoed in Yeonjun's head, bouncing back and forth off the walls of his skull, irking him closer and closer to snapping the damn thing in half and driving it into his temple; finally ending his misery. The library being completely empty didn't help; he recalled the feeling of being in the familiar closed, suffocating quarters of solitary confinement. The padded walls, the blindingly white lights reflecting off the rest of the room and burning into his retinas, he remembers it all too well- and he never wants to go back. Never in a million years. Sure, what can he expect showing up to this place at the crack of dawn? But how could possibly he focus on his work if there are teenagers fresh out of school yelling and playing loud games on the nearby computers? So here he is; alone in the near-silent building, save for the sounds of his pencil, an occasional car passing by the window, and the sound of his shallow breathing. The librarian is slouched over, half asleep at her desk. "I get it." He mumbles to himself and chuckles. Scratching his head and sighing, he tries to shoo away the negative thoughts and memories brought forth. As Yeonjun tries to focus on what's in front of him, he can't help but be distracted by the sound of a clock ticking distantly.

[ ... tick-tick-tick-tick... ]

His fist clenches, and his palms become clammy. He bites his lips, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to ignore the sound. Yeonjun's eyes frantically move behind his eyelids, searching for something unbeknownst to himself. Something is closing in on him. His sweater feels too tight, his toes are suddenly cramped in his shoes, and his necklace feels like it's choking him. In the darkness behind his eyelids, he sees colors and shapes; expanding and minimizing at a rapid speed. Everything seems as if it's right in front of him, swirling, confusing, and terrifying. He could never decipher quite what this was, but he knows it scares him. Not exactly 3-Dimensional, but not flat. They aren't solely shapes either, but not people. Just... something. Something that has struck fear in his heart since childhood, always inflating and deflating like balloons, making it feel as if his body were doing the same. It made him feel small, yet too large. Claustrophobic, and scared; but simultaneously like he was running aimlessly in a vast, empty void.

[ ... tick-tick-tick... ]

That damned clock.

Yeonjun's legs shook, and the hair on his forehead began to stick in pieces from the perspiration.

[ ... tick-tick-tick... ]

He couldn't breathe- he felt like crying but couldn't let a single sound out even if he opened his mouth to try. He sat there, shaking and clenching every possible muscle with his dry mouth gaping and shutting like a fish out of water. He thought he could open his eyes any moment, but found it impossible. He sat there with his eyes squeezed shut- helpless, scared, watching the ever-terrifying objects swarming his vision. Inflating, deflating, bouncing around, and surrounding him. It felt as though they were laughing at him. His heart was pounding, and he could feel a scorching heat on his neck- like the devil itself was breathing on it.

[ CRACK ]

Yeonjun's eyes shot open, and he looked frantically around the room. The bright fluorescent lights stunned him, forcing him to briefly shut his eyes again. As he came back to his senses, he realized he had snapped his pencil in half from his anxious grip. He carefully unwound his fingers, the pieces falling out and onto the desk. His palms were ghostly-white and moist, his fingernails left bright, raw-looking indents in their place. Some had cut into his skin, causing blood to bead and bubble up at the surface. "It's been worse." He sighed.