the one

PROLOGUE

Crying is for losers.

That's what I've been taught from a very young age that strong people don't cry over anything, as if being an emotional person would measure up to how much of a strong person i am.

And yet here I am in the middle of a flight holding my tears, getting emotional over the fact that for the first time in my life I'll get peace and privacy, the two P's that have pushed the boundaries enormously on what my mental health could survive. And yet here I am rethinking every decisionI took that led me to take this big decision of literally moving abroad. As in spending fuck load of money to get a degree just so i wouldnt have to face my parents or that shitty town another second.

My flight lands in 5 hours and I haven't slept in the last 32 hours surviving on my extreme stress levels of processing what is happening. My parents have called me 60 times in the 6 hours I have been in the airport trying clear security and getting myself together.

Moving to London is as hectic as it is exciting. As a south asian woman i am terrified of what this gigantic step is going to lead me to.

Am I making a mistake?

Am I ready to live alone?

Am I ready to manage my life?

My 16 year old self would have never thought that I would make it to 18 less alone moving abroad. So a fuck you to every single teacher in my hight school. It's kind of funny too, none of my friends, we will call them friends but they're more like people who i used to know and maybe had some amount of little fun with because we used to see each other, they don't know that I am going to move into london. No one except my parents and my sister knows that I will be leaving.

I would be lying if I said that my parents were excited for me.

In the last two months I have experienced my mother being in constant denial of the fact that I will be leaving soon and she'll be all alone, and my dad breathing down my neck, trying to convince me to not go.

But I am here now. Now they can no longer control my life.

Too late to back out now. So I will not be a loser and get through this like an adult. Not even a month has passed since my 18th birthday and I am getting my way out of the hellhole.

I will be studying and trying my best to function like an actual human for the sake of social life.

I feel like throwing up due to the feelings of panic and excitement and anxiety mixed together.

I should probably sleep.

But I can't sleep because I am way too nervous to move into my room and meet my flatmates.