Stories from the Past

First Love ~Message~

NOTE: Before you start reading the story, there are some things that I want to say.

The story that I'm about to show was made around early August 2014, the time when I started naming my characters in Japanese. Like the Japan fan I am, I really like the sounds of their given names, so I went and used them in a short story written in the ENGLISH LANGUAGE, even if it would make me look like a total weeaboo.

If you have any (negative and/or offensive) thoughts about this change in my naming pattern, then please feel free to leave a comment about it. Don't worry, Almost nobody reads my stuff, so I'm pretty sure I'll have the time to read all your comments.

"Man, I suck at this..." Nath thought to himself as he finished writing the message above.

Anyhow, here's the story. I hope you enjoy.

Hey there, Kiyoko. It's me, Kazuto. Remember me? I hope you do, 'cause we've been through some together. How long has it been since we first met? How many years has it been since then...? 7 years. Yeah, 7 years. I met you at our previous school's hallway. It was such a normal meeting back then.

You were such a silent girl back then. Many people say that you live up to your name, being a "perfect child" and all. The way you did everything was simply the most perfect way a man could ever think of... that wasn't a compliment, though. Haha, just kidding! Did I make you mad? Sorry if I did. Well anyway, I still remember those times like it was just yesterday.

I was just making a small mess with my friends when I first met you. You were walking towards us and we didn't notice, so I kind of bumped to you a little. I turned around and faced you to say sorry, but then I saw the teacher scarily staring at us. I quickly ran away, totally forgetting to ask for an apology.

I hope you can understand my situation back then.

Since then, I've had the urge to talk to you. I really wanted to ask for your forgiveness for bumping and for not saying sorry soon enough. I took close watch of you, watching your every move, waiting for an opportunity to talk to you. Unfortunately, I couldn't see that chance in about 3 weeks. But since I still took close watch over you, I started to learn about you more. You were really silent, but you liked to smile all the time.

Before I even knew it, I got drawn into you. I made up excuses just to take a glimpse of you in the middle of class. I hid behind bushes to observe you while you were chatting with your friends during lunch. There was a time when I even wanted to follow you to your house!

... Sorry that I was such a weirdo back then. I'm really, really sorry.

But then... it all changed one day. I got to talk to you that time, remember? Wait, uh... who was it that started the conversation again? Was it me? Did I call out to you first? Why can't I remember these kinds of things?!

... Wait, why am I asking these anyway?

Anyway, that day started everything that happened between us. Before we even knew it, we were already talking about random things. A few days later, I was already insulting you, though you reacted with such a gentle face. How did you do that? The two of us grew closer to each other, day after day.

...

There was even a time when I could even ask you about... love and such. Remember that time? We were sitting right next to each other, on a bench in front of the park's fountain. Both of our hands were on the middle of the bench, probably having only a 10 cm gap.

"Hey..." I paused a little bit, and then continued. "Do you love someone?" I asked emotionlessly.

"I do." Bluntly and boldly, you replied with the same gentle face as before.

Then, after a little moment of silence, you asked "How about you?"

"... I do." I would reply with the same emotionless expression.

I really regret that time. It was the best chance for me to tell how I felt about you, but still... I couldn't. The thought of you liking someone else actually pains me. I couldn't control these emotions.

"I like her... and she likes me too, right? Right...? Gah, I don't know anymore!!!" I shouted at my room at night, raging to take all of my confusion aside. Really... everytime you smiled at me, I always thought that you liked me... but in the end, I was never really sure. I was afraid... afraid that you might like someone else.

... Oh yeah, what I regretted the most, then and now, is that I couldn't fill those 10 centimeters... between our hands... between us.

Even with those feelings in the way, I tried to be normal towards you. I knew that you wouldn't want me to be all weird just because I was getting confused about how I feel. So for our remaining days together... I tried to give the best fake smile I could, 'cause I knew... I knew that very soon, I couldn't see that gentle smile of yours anymore.

At the end of the school year, your family will move to another country because of your father's job. That's what they said. I thought that they were only rumors, so I asked you back then. I couldn't believe it when you said that it was all true. Knowing that you were going to leave, I tried to make our last days the best.

Did I accomplish what I wanted to do back then?

Time passed by so fast... and before we even knew it, the school year already ended. After the graduation ceremony, I faced you with my real self as you stood in front of me with the majestic sunset in your background. I told you that I didn't want you to go, that I wanted to spend more time with you... but I couldn't tell you how I felt, when I really should have.

That time... I felt really happy that you hugged me. To be honest, it felt like the world was about going to end if you let go, but that small moment gave me a glimpse of Paradise. For that, I'm truly thankful.

I could only watch you as you walked away to the sunset, with an honest and gentle smile on my face, as tears fell down to my cheeks... I felt sad that I couldn't be with you anymore, but I also felt really happy and honored that I got to see that gentle smile of yours everyday. I remembered everything that happened to us back then, starting from our first meeting to that very moment. Because of that, I couldn't help but cry out "Thank you!" even though I knew that you wouldn't be able to hear me anymore.

A few moments later, you were gone. I couldn't see you anymore. I knew that those were the final moments that I could see you and that gentle smile of yours. I knew that, after that moment, I won't be able to see you anymore...

Our time together was short, wasn't it? Our time together didn't even get to a year, did it? But still... but still...! I appeared, didn't I? I was able to be a part of your life, wasn't I? Even though it was just a really small part... I was able to, right?!

... Now that you think about it, those times were very special to me. You were special to me.

You were my First Love. And that was First Love's story.

But... I'm not a kid anymore. 7 years had already passed, and that was enough time for me to know... to know that I couldn't be with you, and to accept that ultimately painful truth. I guess this is the final letter that I'll be giving to you...

How are you now? Are you being happy? Is everyone there treating you well? Do you still wear that gentle smile that I loved so much?

I've got a lot of questions, but I guess it's better not to ask so much.

... I know. Somehow, when you answered me that day I asked you if you had someone you love, I knew... that person was your First Love.

From that time until today, I've always... always hoped that person was me.

... But now... I know that this First Love can never be... So I guess I'll just lock it all up, this love and these memories, along with the diary of my heart...

...

... If I had the courage to fill the last 10 centimeters that day, would our "today" change?