dnf oneshots ig

alive

tws: death?, panic attack

i want to make it very clear that in no way do i intend to romanticise mental illness in my storys, i struggle with a lot of mental health and some mental illnesses myself and i use these oneshots to express in writing how i feel and think in my mind. On that note i hope you enjoy...
they're just friends in this one

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falling. one step too far and he was falling. right in front of my eyes, i watched him fall so carelessly below the sunlit scenery. my best friend, my only friend in fact. i loved him and i lost him.

i wanted to go back to when we were stood peacefully watching the golden horizon, when we were a sensible distance from the cliff edge, when we were two and not one. i could hear myself screaming in agony yet i couldn't feel my lips part, i felt my feet sink into the surprisingly soft ground and my body become engulfed until i was suffocating in emptiness, and that was when i realised...this is not right...this is not real.

my heart was pounding so fast i feared i was still dreaming and my entire body was uncomfortably sticky with sweat. there were floods of tears running down my face and my breath was stuck in my throat. even thinking about loosing dream was enough to make me breakdown so having such a graphic night terror like that after months of sleeping peacefully, it could easily push me over the edge. i was so shaken i felt nauseous.

my trembling hands reached up into my slightly matted hair and pulled, trying to distract myself from the empty, sinking feeling i held on to. i attempted to drag myself out of my now melancholy bed but my legs shook with every step i took, i felt like something was going to jump out at me everywhere i went.

whilst i knew what happened was a dream, i couldnt help but feel the need to make sure clay was still there, healthy, alive. i always needed reassurance in everything i did and i hated it, i could never feel independent, i would feel childish for how much help i needed just to get through the week. it was a constant feeling of selfishness. creaks sounded from the floorboards as i crept towards my door and reached for the cold metal handle, gasping for breath as quietly as possible. once the door was open enough to slip my thin frame through, i navigated my way around the corner wall and the stair banister until i was stood apprehensively in front of the familiar door to dreams bedroom. i had no reason to be, but i was anxious at what i was going to open the door to.

as i took a first look into the disorganised room, i noticed the darkness and the fact that he was asleep. the hallway light illuminated his figure that was swaddled in a thick blanket, he looked lifeless just like in the nightmare. out of pure panic, i immediately grabbed onto his shoulder and shook him awake through my sobs, he looked up at me startled.

"george?....what the fuck?" hidden in the darkness, i dont think i saw the tears or heard my lack of breath as he glanced over to the alarm clock by his bedside and used the small light button to turn on the weak lamp. all of a sudden i felt quite exposed to him.

"woahh..woah are you um okay?" he spoke, still being half asleep.

"i d-dont...i cant..i-im just.." i pressed my hands into my face, hiding in embarrassment.

"hey its okay, its alright...c'mere" he lightly held onto my arms and pulled me into him, i practically leaped on him trying to hold him as tight as i could. i couldn't lose him again. his hand brushed lightly up and down my back as his other hand held onto my waist securely, we stayed like this for a couple of minutes until he noticed my breath was still heavy. gently, he pulled me from his chest and held my face in his hands in front of him.

"george, look at me" i couldnt see him properly through my tears so i wiped my eyes with my sleeves.

"take a deep breath for me" i shakily inhaled as we kept eye contact, his thumbs were gliding across my cheeks.

"good job" tears still cascaded down onto his hands "i want you to do that again but hold it in for a little bit this time okay? can you do that for me?" nodding, i inhaled once more still unevenly and tried my best to hold the oxygen for a little while. i could only hold it for around 3 seconds before i had to exhale again.

"thats it, your doing such a good job george" his praises made me feel safe and warm inside "lets keep doing that okay?" i continued the breathing process and clay started to do it with me to help guide me along when i got stuck or struggled. eventually, i managed to gather enough control to breathe somewhat steadily on my own and laid my head back against his shoulder and draped my arms around his torso re-gaining a (now looser) grip on his hoodie. i sniffled into the soft fabric while his hands comforted me, drawing gentle patterns on my back.

"you wanna talk about it? " his voice was soft and reassuring, he could be so calming when he wanted to be. in fear of bringing back up the memory's of the tragedy, i gave a more simple reply.

"no not really....it was just a bad dream i guess"

"okay" he whispered. his hands moved up into my hair and played with the messy strands in a soothing way. "do you think your gonna be able to go back to sleep?"

"i don't wanna be alone" i couldn't be alone.

"thats okay, you can stay in here" surprisingly, it wouldn't be the first time i had slept alone with dream "ill be next to you the whole time alright? you dont have to be alone george"

i love him and i will never lose him.

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1098 words

thank you to everyone who's read and voted for this book i'm so grateful for you all. have a snack and a big glass of water you deserve it :)
this one's a little short so my apologies xx

-ray <3