-𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐲 [akitoya angst os]

𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲.

Dear Toya,

I remember that moment like it was yesterday.

It was a cool summer evening, a cool June 22nd.

The sun was slowly descending in the small country town where I lived.

The trees were caressing their leaves in the cool breeze of that future night.

It was probably the last night I would sleep in peace, thinking of you serenely.

Etched in my memory probably as long as the memory of the first cigarette I smoked in hiding from my family home.

By the time I write I must have done countless drafts of those silly, stupid things called "letters".

Yet that's what I was advised to do by my stupid therapist.

Maybe by writing down what was bothering me according to her ridiculous and stupid scientific studies, what was wrong with me and how I felt about the current situation I was in.

And it was strange to crush the language of Molière through my mouth for you, I who was always silent and reserved and who made short sentences to express myself.

But I had to talk about it, I had to stop running away from it all, I had to stop hiding under this shield I created for myself.

I found you by your window again
looking out, watching the leaves twirl in the cool, soft, warm air, and fall to the ground in the hard touch of the earth.

A touch of reality

A click away from the utopia that had become invisible.

And it was like a dream, I wished it was a dream.

Wow, you were so perfect through this angle, you were always perfect in my eyes, even if I didn't say it, even if I didn't admit it and yet I swear to you: you are an angel descended from my wildest and sweetest dreams, under this dirty earth where I resided. Your beautiful blue and grey hair shone in the sun, and your grey eyes lightly tinted with blue so hypnotic and enchanting made me melt in an instant like an ice cream in contact with the warm rays of the light.

You are so beautiful, so resplendent.

You couldn't talk to me because I probably hadn't reached the field of your thoughts yet.

And yet it was you who asked me to come that day and how I regret it now.

But I was too much in love, I liked everything about you. And I wanted to make efforts for you as you had done for me in the past.

Then you saw me, and your look was suddenly not as soft as when you saw the sky and it darkened in an instant before giving way to a long doubt on your part.

Time passes slowly
When we're all alone you and I, while the sky gradually darkens like your pale complexion.

And then time passes slowly
When you're all alone, all to yourself, in the doubt and incomprehension you left me.

And time passes slowly,
When you're probably missing a friend.

And time passed so slowly.
When you had reached the end of your last sentence.