There I go again. Scaring away everybody I care about. I sat there looking at my phone, the wall, anywhere except into his eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to look into those chocolate brown eyes that held a million questions. I wish I could take back everything I just said, but he saw the scars, he thought someone was hurting me. The confusion and worry he wore so plainly on his face made my heart ache. I told him someone was hurting me. He lifted my chin with his finger forcing my crystal blue eyes to meet his.
“Who?” he practically shouted, “who is doing this to you Ally? Please let me help you.” That’s what I loved about Jason, he always would go above and beyond for the people he loved. I ran a shaky hand through my blond waves that hung loosely down my back.
“I’m hurting me.” I barley said the words above a whisper. I hope maybe he had missed the words. No such luck. His jaw looked like it was about to touch the floor. His brown eyes filled with shock, sadness, anger confusion, and so many more things that I couldn’t read. He opened and closed his mouth several times before he finally asked.
“Why Ally? Why do you do that to yourself?” he sounded so sad it was breaking my heart.
“You don’t want to hear all that mumbo jumbo Jason, just forget it okay?” Clearly this is not the answer he wanted to hear. He was pissed. I thought steam was going to flow from his ears any second.
“You want me to FORGET IT?!” he cried in astonishment. “Ally how could I forget this? I’m not judging I swear! I just want to understand I want you to explain it to me so I can help you!”
I wanted to explain, but I knew he wouldn’t understand no matter how hard he tried. People think it’s as easy as just stopping. It’s not, there’s this urge to cut, I knew he wouldn’t be able to grasp that in his pretty little head.
I looked up into his brown eyes, he ran his hand through his muddy brown hair messing up his ‘style’ he apparently worked so hard to achieve in the morning. This hard work usually just consisted of him washing it.
“Jase, I want to explain it to you. I really want too but you won’t understand. No one does unless they do it too.”
“He looked back down pleadingly, he looked so child-like with his bottom lip slightly pouted and his beautiful eyes going big. I couldn’t help but giggle at his behavior. He hadn’t expected my laughter. He looked frustrated.
“What are you giggling for? This is serious damn it!” despite his child-like features his voice was completely serious.
“I’m sorry it’s just the way you looked when I wouldn’t tell you. Like a child looks when he can’t have his way” I laughed slightly again, causing him to give me his breath taking half smile that showed a glimpse of his perfect white teeth.
Okay. Okay. I might have a teensy little crush on Jason, but I mean it’s not my fault I’m friends with this hottie!
“okay A look” he used his nickname for me this was a good sign, “let’s go get some coffee and you have to promise” he stopped making sure I understood him, “If I buy your coffee, you have to try and explain to me why you harm yourself like that.” He motioned toward my arm.
That little brat! He knew coffee was my weakness. He also knew I was flat broke and would never turn down free coffee.
“You’re such a brat, knowing I wouldn’t turn down free coffee” the more I said the more it came out as a grumble. But like he knew would happen I agreed to his terms and we made our way to the coffee shop.
Walking into the quaint little shop, my senses were immediately attacked by the strong aroma of the brown liquid gold, or better referred to as coffee.
As my mouth began to water in anticipation, Jason pulled my hand and led me to our table.
“The usual?” He gave me his award winning smile and I gave him a duh look.
“ok if you still have to ask, then your even more of an idiot then I originally thought” I laughed at him, he just grumbled something about how annoying I am and stalked off to get our drinks.
A few minutes later he was back at my table. I took in a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh. “okay if I am going to explain this to you then you have to promise to wait until I am completely finished before saying ANYTHING” I made sure he understood and stuck out my pinky “pinky promise?” he hooked his pinky with mine. Yes we still do pinky promises; we both have an understanding that if we break the promise we break each other’s pinkies. Just kidding Jason couldn’t hurt a fly. I guess this is the part where I spill all my secrets,
Please, please don’t let him think im disgusting. If I could change things I would. I let out the breath I was holding and began to tell my story.
