For someone who's bright enough to enter a med course, artistic enough to paint events, and a multitasker enough to serve several plates at once, leaving her province and dreaming to study at a prestigious school is easy.
But what if something come...
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"Should I Paint Butterflies?" a painting by Asia Briceño
Zipping the last luggage I packed and putting it on the side with the other bags, my eyes darted towards the now-dried painted canvas I did just three days ago.
I should've wrapped it by now but staring at it peacefully while it's still on the easel is a good sight to see.
With the open window behind it, whose scenery is just the gloomy nimbus clouds, my painting looks serene as it should be as this will be the last day I'll stare at it while we're still in the town of Plaget.
Tomorrow, I'll just stare at it from Manila, hanging on a wall like a window showcasing my favorite place in my hometown.
"Is it a part of Plaget, my dear?" my grandmother asked and my eyes darted behind me to where she is at. She's staring at my painting with such adoration and a smile of proudness.
My heart is suddenly of warmth. "Yes, La. It's my most favorite spot," I stared back at my painting.
"Never been in that spot." she sat and walked towards it to stare at it more. "I never know such a place existed in this province, more so here at Plaget."
Feeling the urge of embracing her, I did with a sweet smile. Unlike me who grew up at this place, my grandmother is more of a city woman of Manila. This might be her birthplace, but Manila was always her home. It's where her heart settles at.
"I couldn't bring you there now though. It's about to rain," I felt bad. I would love to show the actual place to her but the weather won't permit us. But I gave her a charming smile nonetheless. "But maybe that's why I painted it so we can stare at it once we stepped on Manila."
She nodded with a smile and started combing my hair using her fingers, eyes still on the painted canvas. "It's like a window to this place, dear. The breathtaking sea, the clean white shore, the wild grass, and flowers. It's so much of this place. It's breathtaking."
My heart got warmer at her words. She might be my grandmother but she's also the biggest fan of my paintings. Her seeing every detail I painted made me want to paint more.
"I love how calm the weather is in this painting of yours too, dear. It isn't bright nor dark, just the typical not-so-sunny day at Plaget. It's . . . a piece of nostalgia." I melted more. "But why didn't you put some butterflies? This can be more lively with those little creatures."
My smile vanished. Butterflies.
"Should I wrap it now, La? This will be safe on the shipment, right?" I asked instead, pulling out from our embrace to get the things I need like bubble wrap, sheets of anti-static wrap, pallet wraps, cardboard boxes, and more that is normally used in wrapping a painting for shipment.
"You're not so fond of butterflies, aren't you?" my grandmother tilted her head a bit and stared at me.
I shrugged, "I just . . . intentionally not put butterflies on it, La."
"Why so?" she asked further and sit on the couch in my room but I just shrugged, refusing to answer.
My grandmother then sigh, "Do you really want to go to Manila with me, Asia?" she asked so directly that I stopped doing my thing to look at her. She's serious.
"Of course, La. It's been always what I have been dreaming of since I was in high school. To go to Manila with you." I answered honestly not taking my eyes off her to show my eagerness.
"But what are you really dreaming of recently?"
"To study at the college where you study, La. I'm serious about following in your footsteps." I said so sincerely, sitting beside her.
But my grandmother isn't so convinced that she still faces me. "Then why are you leaving those butterflies behind? Are they such a burden to you?" she asked figuratively.
I gulped. I can't tell her about it yet. She might not bring me with her and that's the least I want to happen.
"You seem hesitant of leaving those butterflies, my dear," she stated with certainty that I can't meet her eyes anymore. "Manila is not just all about dreams, my dear granddaughter. And that's a fact. It's still a city of survival. Of uncertainty and misfortunes. Of toughness and competition. Of some dried hopes and failed dreams. I don't want you to regret so please be sure about this, Asia."
I stayed silent with now a hesitant decision.
"If those butterflies are your comfort, advantages, and luxury, is it worth leaving for uncertainty and restarting, my dear?"
I gulped once again. If I were the flower on my painting, and I'm leaving the butterflies behind, will it survive? Will I survive in a city I'm just dreaming of with just who I am? Is Manila really the place for me?
But this place isn't for me either and I survived.
My grandmother sighed and held my hand. "And if those butterflies are people, are you ready if no one welcomes you back?"
There, I feel like I just got stabbed.
With my family being against me leaving, and with my closest people not knowing my plans of leaving, that bugs me enough to just stare at my painting.
Plus this one person I have in mind. The reason why I intentionally didn't paint butterflies.
By making the flowers grow away from the butterflies. I'm letting the butterflies live without me. Leaving means I won't see butterflies anymore. And staying in letting the flowers be with the butterflies and letting them grow together, just like how it should be. Just like what the original picture looks like.
I stared at my painting with wonder. My favorite place originally has butterflies on it. Lots of it. I'll sure miss it. But do I really have to miss it if I can just stay?
Breathing deeply once more, I stopped in my tracks and just think of my decision. With all the uncertainty in my head and nervousness in my chest, I let myself look back at the airport's exit.
Is leaving really for me? Or I should just go back to my room and paint the original picture? Should I paint butterflies?
