Trying to live #Wattys2024

Chapter 36 (Edited)

Summer Before Junior Year

Dear Diary,

Maya opened up more about her family today. It seems they always wanted her to be perfect—something that hits home for me. I strive for perfection in hopes that Mom might love me again, and Maya does the same. We both crave the kind of approval that comes with being flawless. Her parents, it turns out, always preferred her twin sister, Mallory. Maya resents them for it, and it shows in her behavior. They sent her here, saying she could return only when she was "fine."

Sometimes I understand why Maya acts the way she does, and other times, I just don't. She's unpredictable, often angry and destructive. There have been incidents where staff have been hurt because of her outbursts. She's never thrown anything at me directly, but she did throw things around in my room, which led me to request that someone remove her. I didn't speak to her for a day, hoping that distance would make me feel safer. But Ms. Denvers suggested that I should reach out and help Maya. Reluctantly, I did, and now we're practically inseparable. She considers me her best friend, but the truth is, Priya is my best friend.

No one knows me better than Priya—except maybe Henry. They see the version of me that tries so hard to be perfect. But does it really matter who I am deep down, or what my relationship with my parents is like? What matters is that my heart is in the right place, and I love my friends, my boyfriend, and my family. That's all anyone needs in life. I hit the jackpot with Priya. She knows how to lighten my mood and understands me in a way that feels genuine. I really miss her.

Maya, on the other hand, drains my energy. I know she's hurt and lonely, but I don't always feel safe around her. I can't shake the feeling that she's hiding something.

Beginning of Junior Year

Dear Diary,

Another day, another drink. And here I am, pouring my thoughts into you. I guess this entry is supposed to be about Priya—how she was once the perfect best friend. Emphasize on "was." Priya is out of my life now. I cut her out completely. I spread rumors about her double life, calling her a slut. Sure, she had a double life—strict Indian parents, sneaking out to parties, and hanging out with boys. But she never slept with anyone. I took things too far and mocked her in front of the entire school. I did it because she didn't stand up for me when I was called a slut and a cheater—whether I deserved it or not.

Maya and I seem to share a talent for ruining good people's lives with our negativity. I should have known Maya was hiding something deeper than just hurt and loneliness. I should have been one of the people to help her, but I couldn't see past her anger and negativity.

I am a bad person, and Maya was right to call me out.

Rose once told me that the storm's direction would change. I remembered that day in Royals, when we were talking about my former friends. I brushed off her words, too focused on how she used the salt and pepper shakers in a ridiculous manner to take her seriously.

But now, I see what she meant. Rose said that the Royals and I would be back in each other's orbits—that maybe we would be friends again. I dismissed the idea then, but now I see the truth in her words, especially when I think about the rainy day I waited for my brother.

It was pouring heavily, with raindrops splattering against the windows of the corridor by the locker rooms. I looked outside, finding a small comfort in the rhythmic sound of rain and the excited chatter of students. I turned around and immediately regretted it.

The cheerleaders, led by Juliette, were leaving the locker rooms. Leah and Priya flanked her. I quickly turned away, not wanting to see them. The chatter faded, leaving me alone again. Scott should be out soon to take me to Henry's house to change before driving me to work. I couldn't be late, especially with Dean breathing down my neck since our argument with Rhonda. He blamed me for what happened with Rose and her dog, despite my explanations.