Trying to live

Chapter 45

Cam shut his car door and turned to me with an incredulous look. "So, you're telling me you don't like any South Korean dish?"

I stepped out of the car, the crisp evening air brushing against my skin. "I'm telling you that there might be a possibility I won't like the food."

I rounded the car, only to find Cam already in front of me, blocking my way with that playful determination in his eyes. "I can't accept that. We have to change that before I take you to meet my dad's family in Seoul."

My heart stopped for a second. We had been together for almost a month now, and it still had this effect on me. The excitement, the butterflies—it was all fun. But when it got serious, I always froze, retreating into myself, because I wasn't ready.

I wasn't ready to meet his parents. To meet his dad's family in Seoul. Or his mom—wherever she lived now. I suspected London, but I wasn't sure since his mom traveled a lot.

I forced a smirk, pushing past the anxious thoughts. "Good luck to you," I said lightly, turning away and heading toward the house door.

The door swung open, but it wasn't Ludovica who greeted us. It was Mrs. Avilla, a steaming cup of tea cradled in her hands, her ever-kind eyes flickering between me and Cam.

"Ah, hello to my favorite aunt," Cam said, stepping forward and enveloping her in a warm hug.

Mrs. Avilla scoffed, though there was affection in her voice. "I'm your only aunt."

"Yeah, that's why I said it," Cam quipped, grinning as he narrowly avoided the playful swat she aimed at his shoulder.

I shook my head with a small chuckle, but my amusement faltered when Mrs. Avilla turned to me with a knowing smile. "Em, your friend's waiting in the kitchen."

I frowned. "My friend?"

She nodded, casually sipping her tea as though she hadn't just thrown me into confusion. I glanced at Cam, who simply shrugged, offering no answers. With a quiet sigh, I made my way toward the kitchen, my pulse quickening with each step.

The moment I stepped in, my breath hitched. Rose sat at the counter, fingers wrapped tightly around a ceramic mug, her expression unreadable. Ludovica was there too, her attention focused on cooking, barely acknowledging Rose's presence.

"Hey," Rose said, standing the second she saw me.

I hesitated at the doorway. "Rose. What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk?" Her voice was quiet, but the strain behind it was unmistakable.

I glanced back at Cam, who watched from a distance before giving me a subtle nod, as if to say, 'your call.' Taking a slow breath, I motioned for Rose to follow me. Without another word, I led her to the room I'd been staying in.

As soon as the door clicked shut behind us, she extended a neatly wrapped box toward me. "Here. Your birthday present."

I blinked, taking it hesitantly. "My birthday's in a few weeks."

She forced a small smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Yeah, I know. I just thought I should give it now because..." She swallowed hard, lifting her chin slightly, as if bracing herself. "Who knows if you'll still want to be my friend by then."

A weight settled in my chest. "Rose, that's ridiculous."

"Is it?" Her voice wavered between frustration and something softer—hurt, maybe. "Then why won't you meet up with me?"

I sighed, rubbing my temple. "I've been busy, Rose. School, work... I told you."

Her eyes darkened, sharp and searching. "Have you ever lied to me, Em?"

The sudden shift caught me off guard. "No."

"So, you were really busy with work and school?"

I hesitated, only for a fraction of a second, before nodding. "Yes."

She let out a short, humorless laugh. "That's your first lie. You were too busy to be with me, but not too busy to be with your old best friend?"

My throat went dry. I had no response, no excuse that would make this right.

Rose's fingers curled into fists at her sides. "I would've believed you, Em. I would've thought you were really busy. But Priya posts everything on social media. Do you know how it feels to see you out with her when you told me you had no time?"

I opened my mouth, desperate to explain, but the words tangled inside me. Rose's eyes bore into mine, waiting for an answer I couldn't give.

"Why?" she asked, her voice quieter now, but raw. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

Frustration rose inside me, twisting with guilt and exhaustion. "Why is this such a big deal to you? You told me I wanted my old friends back, so I did. I also thought you were too busy with your play." My voice came out sharper than I intended. "Why does this matter so much?"

Her eyes glistened, but she refused to let a tear fall. "I'm not too busy for you, Em. I needed you as my friend. And I don't have any problem with you being friends with Priya and the rest. I'm glad you are. But why couldn't you tell me the truth? Why couldn't I be there, too, as your best friend? You made me your best friend and then just turned away because you resolved things with Priya."

I shook my head, exhaling sharply. "You were the one who declared yourself my best friend, Rose. I never said that."

The second the words left my mouth, I regretted them.

Rose's face paled, lips parting as though I'd physically struck her. For a moment, she simply stared at me. Then, slowly, she nodded, something breaking behind her eyes. "So was I ever your friend?"

She didn't wait for my answer. Instead, she stepped forward, her voice shaking but unwavering. "I wanted to be your friend because you looked lost, vulnerable, and lonely that night Henry broke your heart. The end-of-summer party before junior year—do you even remember? I saw you crying, and I felt something. A connection. And I tried, Em. I fought for this friendship. My parents warned me against being friends with you, but I convinced them. I made them like you. And all this time, you never saw me as a friend, did you? You just used me."

I stared ahead, my stomach twisting painfully. It wasn't true. It wasn't. But if I denied it, if I let her stay, I'd only hurt her more. Or maybe, she would hurt me first. It was better this way. It had to be.

Rose took a shaky breath and turned toward the door. Just as she reached it, she stopped, fingers tightening around the doorknob. When she spoke, her voice was quiet, but each word felt like a knife to my chest.

"Maybe everyone's right about you. Maybe you really are selfish."

I flinched but said nothing.

She lingered for a moment, then took a deep breath and added, "I hope Priya tells you what you don't want to hear. That you're using Cam. You're not in love with him, Em. You're just trying to make yourself feel better. And to make him feel better. But deep down, you're still in love with the guy who broke your heart."

The door clicked shut behind her. The silence that followed was unbearable.