ONESHOTS

what the cat dragged in

auhtor :  starlikeeyes

Summary:

There is something about watching his neighbor cradle the cat in his arms like a newborn, speaking to her in maybe the most shockingly bad baby-voice Renjun has ever heard, that makes Renjun realize three things:

One, Jaemin has likely never interacted with a cat in his entire life.

Two, it wasn't a trick of the light. Jaemin is still hot. Weird, but hot. This is a fact that is very distressing to Renjun.

Three, if Renjun leaves these two alone, one of them will end up dead within the week, and it's not going to be Pork Chop.

Renjun is just trying to wash his fucking hands when the ambush happens.

When Donghyuck had threatened him over text that he was going to come knocking Renjun's door down if he didn't reply, Renjun didn't think he meant it literally. Then again, Donghyuck has always had a flair for the dramatic. And Renjun really never should have given him a copy of his key. Maybe that one is his fault.

"I always knew your excessive water-drinking habit was going to be your downfall one day," Donghyuck sneers from the doorway. Renjun looks up from the sink.

He's blocking Renjun's only route of escape. Renjun thinks he could make a run for it, but Donghyuck would catch up eventually, and Renjun cannot win a fight against him. Even if Renjun was stronger than him (he's not), Donghyuck's ferality and lack-of-morality are one hell of a combination. There is just no winning a fight against a biter. And a scratcher.

And Jeno is standing right behind him, and there's no world where Renjun wins a fight against him. If Renjun didn't know better, he'd think Donghyuck only dated him for the intimidation factor. Unfortunately, he does know better, enough to know that Donghyuck is as gone on Jeno as Jeno is on him, and that all of Jeno's muscles are mainly just for show.

"Eight glasses of water a day is the recommended guideline," Renjun says, exhausted. He would try to say get out, but like Chenle's dog, Donghyuck was never taught to follow basic commands. "Not excessive."

"That can't be right," Donghyuck, whose blood is 75% Mountain Dew, says incredulously. "Eight? Really?"

"That's what I keep trying to tell you, babe," Jeno says from behind him. He waves to Renjun with a smile. Renjun waves back weakly.

"Stop trying to distract me with your pseudo-science. We need to talk."

Donghyuck is also blocking his access to the hand towel. Water rolls down Renjun's fingertips, onto the ground. It's uncomfortable. "Does it have to be here, though?" Renjun asks, tries to reach for the towel. Donghyuck slaps his hands down.

"Yes," Dongyhyuck says. "Because you've been avoiding me. Avoiding us. Your two best and only friends in the entire world. Why haven't we seen you, Renjun? Is something going on?"

"I have other friends..."

"Work friends don't count!"

"We're just worried," Jeno chimes in, pouting. "You didn't even stop by for dinner when we texted you yesterday. I even made your favorite."

Renjun scowls. "Can you two stop acting like you're my parents? I'm fine, seriously, I just—I have a lot going on with work and everything. It's none of your business. I can handle it myself, so can you please just get out of my bathroom? Or better yet, get out of my apartment?"