Shrek X Felicia

One peaceful evening, Shrek was reading a FanFiction of himself (which inspired him to write this in some reason third person??). His daughter , Felicia, came up to him wearing drag makeup and Shrek instantaneously fell in a deep love coma for the awe-striking, beautiful, moist baby girl face in front of him. Then Fiona (Shrek's wife) walked in and saw her beloved husband kissing their graceful child on her plump, chav lips. Fiona is instantly struck with rage and jealousy. She charges towards her guilty husband, grabs her cooking knife and slices a sick scar above and below Shrek's beady eye. Furious, Fiona grabs her stuff and slams the front door behind her.

Shrek is still enjoying his daughters scrumptious lips. An hour passes by, Shrek is still holding on to those juicy raspberries. As Shrek lets go of his fine daughter he turns to realise that it was his son Fergus. Shocked, Shrek drops his son onto the floor. SNAP!!!!. Fergus is on the floor, legs bleeding. He has snapped his ankles by the strength of Shrek's plump, muscular arms. Cries come from the floor as Shrek starts to stomp as colours began to fly out of his son. It looks like a piece of Bob Ross artwork. Outraged, Shrek hisses at his son "YOU FAILED YOUR SCIENCES, HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT MY WET JUICY LIPS!! But I must say, that smooch was much delightful for my taste Round 2 my fair son?" Noises start coming from the floor, Shrek is practically lying on his son. A week passes by, no sound comes from the Shrek family home.

Fergus' siblings finally come down for breakfast after being locked in the upstairs bathroom for 2 weeks. "Daddy? Are you okay?" says the voice of Felicia. Farkle still coming down the stairs, he asked his father if he could have a modern English breakfast for lunch as he hadn't tasted one in weeks. As the 2 children get closer to their newest daddy and baby brother, they realise that Fergus has been crushed by Shrek's atomic bomb weight and stink of a a newborn baby's puke.

Felicia, against her will decides to join in with the beautiful like cow fight. As Fiona was only gone for a month, she decides to come back to greet her children in an orderly fashion, as she had not seen them for a long time. As she gracefully waltzes through the door, she is shocked to smell a horrid smell. Less horrid than any of the food she has cooked before, as she turned the corner she sees her husband and her once loved child. Fiona grabbed an axe and rushed over to Fergus. She started to swing the sharpened axe against their toes and accidentally chopped Fergus' head off.