Under Starlit Skies

  I first saw her in a cafe on Third Street some odd months ago. I had just gotten my cup of plain, hot, decaf coffee and was seated in my usual booth in the shade on the other side of the room. She was at the circle table in the front corner next to the entrance, sitting with her friends. The afternoon sun shone through the front big glass windows in a way that made it seem like she had a halo atop her chocolate hair.

Who is she?

She's my everything.

I never planned on falling in love. I mean I have, just not under these circumstances. The truth is, I've always taken life for granted and now that I found someone genuinely worth living for, my karma caught up to me. I'm fading away and she'll never even know I was gone let alone here in the first place. Though I am content just looking at her from afar.

It's not creepy at all.

Then she looked right at me with those curious eyes of hers without even knowing the effect they had on me. I don't understand. She's with her friends and yet, she's looking at me, the one sitting by herself in a two-seater booth in the shade. The only thing keeping me company was a notebook and a long since empty cup. At that point I couldn't remember if the cafe was busy or not.

We held eye contact, my steel eyes boring into the deepest depths of her pure soul. Her golden eyes doing just the same. Could she really see right through me? See things that no other could? I couldn't keep a shy smile from making its way onto my face. I broke eye contact, my hand blocking my smile and reddening face. I nearly missed her smile directed at me; me!

A couple hours passed filled with quick, stolen glances and I couldn't pass up my chance. I ripped a page from my notebook and sloppily wrote my number down. This is my only chance.

I stood up abruptly , crumpled the flimsy piece of paper in my sweaty hand, and threw my empty cup in the trash before walking over to her to leave the slightly damp, crumpled-up paper on the table and rush out the door right next to her. I didn't bother to stick around and be potentially ridiculed by her friends.

'She isn't going to text me.'

—

"I'm home" I called out to no one as I took off my shoes at the door, not bothering to put them away in the ratty shoe cabinet three inches away. I made my way to the kitchen through the gloomy tiled hallway, I marked the day off the calendar and opened the nearly empty fridge, the flickering yellow light illuminating my pallid, sunken face. I shut it with a soft sigh and went to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom to the left of the fridge. I stared at my grotesque reflection in the mirror as I took my chemo for the day.

'This was all pointless. What was I thinking? I'm an idiot.' My mind was racing as I swallowed my pill for the day. 'She wouldn't miss me. She wouldn't, right? I've made myself known to her. I'm such an idiot!' I screamed in frustration as I kicked the bathroom door which immediately sent me to the floor with a louder thump. Holding my right foot, I lied there in the silence of my dark, drafty apartment. The only light came from the looming windows in the living room across from the front door, illuminating a litter of empty pill bottles strewn across the tiled floor. A thumping noise could be heard from the apartment below me. The noises from the other residents finally sunk into my brain like slime oozing through and coating every surface it touches. Everywhere around me there was noise, it filled up the tiny dark space I called home. The neighbors didn't care anymore. They never cared. All they talked about is when I'm going to be gone. 'You don't think I asked for this?' I thought. 'You don't think I have dreams, goals? No, you care about yourselves. I'm going to make the best of my time left and I'm going to see you all hell.' I passed out on the floor, not caring about the consequences it will have on my body when I inevitably wake up in the next three hours.