Opened my eyes and didn't recognise the ceiling above me. Then I remembered ... Sian!
I rolled over and looked to my right and saw the love of my life, sleeping. Her gorgeous hair cascading around her perfect face. She's is just so beautiful and the biggest regret of my life was losing her and ruining our wedding day but now life is so complicated.
I have a life apart from this now, this feeling isn't real. It can't be because I have Maddie and she adores me. Maddie has been through so much and is still going through it now. Omg her meeting ... I don't even know how it went.
I feel like the world's worst person again for about the hundredth time in the last 24 hours.
Searching for my phone trying not to wake sleeping beauty laid next to me. Actually in all honesty trying not to look at her right now because she makes my heart flip and them butterflies come to life inside me and Maddie has to be my focus ... Concentrate Sophie ... You have to think about Maddie!
*13 missed calls*
*6 text messages*
*3 Whatsapp messages*
Butterflies now for a whole different reason, not the good kind. Sick is an understatement and yes I know I deserve it and no sympathy is needed.
Sneaking out of bed I tiptoe to the bathroom. Never have my footsteps been so loud. My own thoughts screaming at me. I need to call Maddie, I have to know she's ok ... I need to lie!
I darent even read the messages, she will know they've delivered, I can't tell her my battery died. God damn technology!!
It's ringing ... "Hiiiii, Wow I've missed you. I've rang you so many times. I thought you'd died"
Relief - She's not mad!
Guilt - I'm an arsehole!
Sick - I need to lie to her!
"Hi babe, sorry I was shattered, I slept for ages. Obviously not having you next to ne snoring means I sleep like a baby"
Maddie laughs . Wow I'm better at this than I thought!
We stay on the phone for about 10 minutes and she tells me excitedly about the meeting and how well it went and honestly I have to admit I don't remember anything she said. I told her my signal was bad and I needed to go as I needed the toilet. Again she laughed at me .. everytime she laughed it was like a knife through me because she was so happy and clueless to the fact I had just broke her heart. She told me to read my messages as she couldn't come home today and the messages would explain. Then she giggled and said the words that last night had meant so much from Sian and now I was hearing them again from the person that should have that effect on me but doesn't ... I love you!
Hanging up, my heart was racing. I took a few deep breaths and sat down in the toilet seat to read Maddies messages.
"Sophie omg babe answer your phone I need to stay here but I think he's coming home"
"BABE please wake up haha no don't it's ok I'm just so excitedddd"
"Ok so you'll get this in morning, basically I have to stay here for a follow up meeting tomorrow as social services have said they're considering giving me custody now I have a stable settled life with you"
WOW ... That was like the final knife. Stable and I'm here in my ex fiancees bed! I need to leave and stop being a selfish bitch!!!
Sneaking back out the bathroom I look up and see Sian. Laid on her side, covers between her legs and draped up over her side. Her skin smooth, tanned and shiny in the sun coming through the window. I stand there for a few seconds just taking in how stunning she is, mentally battling with myself as I know I need to leave.
Then she opens her eyes ...
I stand there, looking at her. I'm still naked and so is she. Our eyes just melt into each other's. It's like she can read my thoughts.
"Don't be scared, It's all crazy but everything happens for a reason. Come back to bed"
She's right, everything does happen for a reason but what could be the reason behind hurting Maddie for my own selfish needs?
Nevertheless I got back into bed and melted as Sian kissed me and slid her hands down my body, finding the spot she knew so well. As I moaned I knew I wasn't going home!
We spent the next 3 hours exploring each other's bodies all over again. The changing room had been fun but having her in bed completely naked and free to moan as loud as she wanted was so much better. I found places in her I couldn't even remember. Although she seemed to be letting me know that despite me taking control last night she was definitely taking it back.
She had definitely grown up sexually since we were together and I actually loved the new experience she had as she took control sometimes. She had lube in a drawer, something we had never used. Lets face it we were kids and had no experience. Maddie isn't exactly adventurous she's more the cuddles and spooning type. So lube was new to me. It felt cold as she put it onto her fingers and slid them inside me. I felt her fingers go deeper than they ever had before. Then with the lube making it easy she slipped in another finger and then another .. omg this felt amazing but scary!
Looking at her wide eyed she told me to relax. I felt it burn, it stung .. omg it stung but I was so curious I just relaxed as her full hand pushed inside of me.
WOWWWW she was fuckin me like no one had ever fucked me before. I could feel every part of her hand and knuckles filling me. It hurt, it throbbed, it stung, she was soooo deep .. My god it felt good!
She asked a few times if she was hurting me and if I wanted her to stop but although it hurt it felt good. I loved the look in her eyes as she lay over me, kissing me and I could feel her pushed against my leg getting wetter and wetter, more and more turned on the harder she fucked me and despite the mild pain I was enjoying that far to much to stop!
Laying back, sweating, out of breath and aching in places I didn't know I had. I glanced at the clock and realised it was lunch time and we hadn't eaten anything except each other since yesterday!
I suggested we go out for food but Sian was insatiable and just kept shaking her beautiful head, pinning me down and pushing her fingers inside me and around my clit and biting my neck. I was sore and she was gentle but I knew I couldn't keep this up.
She has changed so much I thought, I liked it and it really turned me on but I couldn't take anymore.
Picking up the lube I looked at her and told her ... "You're turn"
By 1pm we were both sexed out. Even Sian who I don't remember ever being like this. Our fingers hurt, our tongues ached and our clits were numb!
"Time for food lady" Sian demanded.
I half expected her to say I was the food and she was going to eat me and I was questioning how long I could keep this up. My sex life with Maddie wasn't that great and to be honest I was out if practice. Then I realised with shock .... Sian wasn't!!
Oh god, she's used to this, oh shit, she's not single either! Were is her girlfriend?? She can't have a girlfriend, no she's mine, well no not anymore she isn't! ... How can I be jealous I have Maddie! Get a grip of yourself Sophie. No I can't, I need to know. I realise at this point that it's her I want. I'll leave Maddie, I don't know how but I will, I need Sian ... I turn to look at her, gulp loud enough she looks up at me and I ask the dreaded question ....
"Sian ... Are you single?"
