CHASING THE LOVE

PROLOGUE

"it's ok kung dika papasa sa bord exam marami pa naman jang course na pwede mong pag pilian" my cousin said while both of us sitting in the bed in my room.

"ahh aemi pina pakaba mo ako" I said then lie on the bed.

"sa dami dami ng magagandang hospital dito sa pilipinas bakit sa ibang bansa mo pa na isipan mag trabaho" she shook her head.

"task it is UTGH united technology general hospital, nakikita ko kung gaano ka galing yung mga doctors and nurses doon, how they help people, ahh gusto ko maging isa sakanila" sabi ko habang ginagalaw yung paa ko na Lampas sa kama.

"baby sis, ayaw mo na ba talaga sakin? iiwan mo na talaga ako" pag tatanong niya, toh talagang babaeng toh pina pa konsensya pako eh.

I'm so frustrated right now kasi maya maya nalang ay makikita ko na yung resulta ng bord exam pag ka tapos ay gusto Kong mag apply as a doctor sa isang malaking hospital sa ibang bansa at ito ay sa USA sound cringe dahil sa dami dami ng hospital dito ay doon pa sa ibang bansa ang gusto Kong pasukan at pag trabahuan.

UTGH was always be my dream hospital, pero Di ako yung pasyente, ako yung gagamot sa pasyente I almost jump in the bed when I heard my phone vibrating, so thats mean the result is already here, hawak ko na ngayon yung kapalaran ko.

tiningnan ako ng pinsan ko at sa sobrang tuwa Neto ay na pa sigaw siya at hinampas ako "let's go sis tingnan natin kung ano results, I'm so sure na pasok ka diyan" she said proudly.

hindi parin ako maka galaw parang may kung anong nag dikit sakin sa kama na hindi ko maigalaw yung buong katawan ko, I'm afraid to see the result cause this will the end of my life if I don't pass, this is my biggest dream.

she hold my hand then look at me with concern eye "ayaw mo tingnan? gusto mo ako na titingin para sayo" she ask softly.

I nodded at her then she get my phone on the bed and see the result,kung hindi lang madilim ngayon ay malamang halata na yung konting luha ko.

"omygod" sigaw Neto "omygod pinsan omygod" sunod sunod niyang sigaw na nag pabilis ng tibok ng puso ko she hug me then cry on my shoulder, I still don't know what's the result.

"finally sis finally, your now finally a official doctor" she look at me in the eyes while holding both of my hand, after hearing the world 'your finally a official doctor' parang may anong sumapak sakin na napaiyak ako sa sobrang tuwa.

this is not a dream right? I did pass the exam right?

"aemi" tawag ko at muli siyang niyakap, umiiyak parin, I'm so happy at this time super happy.

right know is like a dream, and if its a dream, I don't want to get back to reality anymore, it's really happy, super happy, so this is what's the feeling to know your exam results, especially when you pass, gosh thank you very much.

"zian I'm so so proud of you, so proud, I've tell you before, wala lang toh kay fatima zian"she said smiling in tears cause of happiness.

maybe at this time I'm so very happy, but thinking of leaving my cousin here all alone is got me worried.

we both have no parents, no friends, no relatives to rely on but instead of giving up, we, our self help each other to fight more, simula nung iniwan kami ni mama siyaka ni papa ay naulila nako, my father died when I'm in sixth grade, to young right? to young to see the reality of life.

my dad is a good person, he do all he can do just to support me in every detail, he always make me feel that even mom leave us, he's always there supporting me at the back, he's my support soul.

not until one day, twelve noon after school, I'm so confuse when a lot of people in front of our house,Inosente pako non, I don't know what's happening, not until I saw my dad lying in the bed, lifeless.

confuse, anger, but what's more in my mind that time is pain, pain that I've never feel Before, aemi, my cousin mom was there crying, then when she saw me, she cry hard, to hard.

"tang bat poh si tatay? natutulog ba siya?" paulit ulit na tanong ko,but instead of answering my questions, she just give me a hug, and I feel I know what's that mean.

"tang, ano ba kasi ng yari, si tatay, bakit?" I look at my father, he peacefully, sleeping like there's nothing need to worry about, like it's so good to have a peaceful sleep like that, I don't want to bother him cause seeing him in peaceful is made me in peace too, but not like this, not this one, not this please .

I cried so hard when, I hold his hand, his hand is so very cold, ang lamig ng kamay niya, at dun na nga ako tuluyang umiyak, I heard ninang cry, but I didn't bother to look at her, instead I call dad name like he can hear me, a lot of people inside our house right now, but I didn't bother to look at them to cause I'm just looking at one person right now, and it's my dad, peacefully sleeping.

"anak, tingnan mo si ninang Anak" tang make hard to calm me down, then she face me and when our eyes met, I cry hard on her shoulder, I hugged her while crying.

"tang si tatay, tang anong ng yari kay tatay tang?" still, I can't accept.

"inatake sa puso ang tatay mo anak, pag punta ko dito diko na siya naabutan, im sorry" she said while crying.

I was crying after hearing ninang words, it's my fault, kung sana Di ako nag aral ay malamang andito pa tatay ko, kung sana Di kailangan ng pera para sa pag aaral ko, Di sana na papagod si tatay kaka trabaho bilang construction worker,kung sana wala ako ay Di siya ma wawala, why didn't I think of this at the first.

after 3 years na paninirahan ko kina ninang at aemi, gaya neto wala nadin siyang ama dahil pumanaw na ito nung bata palang siya, then this time ninang died cause of car accident, balita samin ay nag ka banggaan daw ang kotse na sinasakyan niya at ng bus na nag ma madali, I saw aemi crying, I'm the one that cheering her up that time, kami nalang ang natira, tuluyan ng kinuha ng diyos yung mga mahal namin, the one that support us the most.

bakit sila pa? ang dami diyang masasamang tao na dapat mamatay, bakit yung kagaya nila pa, na walang ibang ginawa kundi mahalin, suportahan at alagaan kami.

bakit kailangan ang pamilya ko pa? ganon ba kasakim ang mundong toh para sakin? Gabon bako pinag kakaitan ng diyos ng kaligayahan?

kaya hanggang ngayon ay kami kami parin ni amei ang nandiyan para sa isat isa, helping each other to grow, helping each other to hold more, to fight more, and be the best on our second chapter in life even without the person that support us so much, we now can support each other.

thinking of the past is like a dream, parang panaginip, na alam mo , nakita mo lahat, naalala mo, pero wala kang nagawa, wala kang ma gagawa, yes sometimes we cannot remember our dream is, minsan hindi din natin alam kung ng yari ba, but one thing is sure, the past is past, pero kahit anong tanggi mo, kahit anong iwas mo, kahit gusto mo ng kalimutan ay bumabalik parin.

no I don't want to forget about my father, his sacrifice for me, and for my mother that leaves me for her fucking sake, ayokong makalimutan yon.

what I want to forget is the pain, pain that haunt me every night in that past how many years, kapag andito lang sana tatay ko ay panigurado, ipag yayabang nanaman niya na mag anak niyang, matalino, mabait, mahinhin and most of all maganda.

he always compliment me whenever I got success, and now I really need him, I need my father to congratulate me for my success, 'tatay your so proud of me aren't you? tay doktor nako I promise to help people so they don't feel the same way like I feel before, tutulungan ko sila tay, I will give hope to everyone na mag pa tuloy, doktor na anak niyo tay, and I'm so proud of my self too, so much, I miss you tay.