It's dark here,
And quiet,
I only hear my thoughts,
Yet the silence is so deafening,
The cold is as piercing as an IV needle,
And the scent of despair, discontentment, failure, helplessness and lack of self confidence,
Fill the already stifling air like bad fumes,
In an unventilated room,
"Damn",
I say to myself,
Because all too soon,
I begin recognizing this room,
Where I always feel doomed,
And....
Time and time again, in this kind of 8 by 10 sized tomb,
Like a set of lips to a cigarette,
My heart inhales,
Filling my emotional lungs to full capacity with gloom,
No life line,
Nor exit sign,
Hell, I'm looking for any way possible to send out an "S.O.S.",
"HELP",
"RESCUE NEEDED",
Whether it be via smoke signal,
Morse code,
TTY mode,
Or braille,
I'm drowning in a sea of indescribable emotions,
Sinking farther into the vast ocean of depression than I've ever experienced before,
My mind is racing,
Mentally, I'm pacing,
I stand up and my legs get to moving, along with my thoughts,
I'm pacing,
I'm pacing,
I don't want to be in this emotional state and continue to feel alone,
Secluded and cut off from others as if having depression calls for a quarantine zone,
I'm pacing,
Unsure of what's ahead that I'll be facing,
Anything has to be better than this depression, that's for years been on my heels, chasing,
Yet forward is my journey,
I'm pacing,
I'm pacing,
I'm retracing,
There's no replacing,
No erasing,
So....
To hell with these doctors and their therapy and different types meds,
To hell with trying to unscramble and formulate words out of the thoughts and emotions jumbled up in my head,
It's a tough pill to swallow when accepting that no matter the amount of tears shed,
Encouraging and supportive words said,
Nor prayers prayed, reality is having to acknowledge the two things that I dreed,
One being that there's a part of me that, simply put, is already dead,
The other, unfortunately, is knowing that the person I am now is the product of what trauma, fear and pain bred,
I'm pacing, anxious and in total distress,
I'm pacing, myself I'm having to assess,
I'm pa....now I see and accept, time to confess,
So I stare at my reflection in the mirror and see that I am the dark room, depression in the flesh.
~LyrikalQue
©11/26/2019
