The Lucky Journal.

Chapter 1: Past Exes and Painful memories.

          Lets start with the first one that really really hurt. Not the first person I dated, but the first person who truly hurt me. I will not be sharing their name. Or any of exes names.

        For this one, we'll call them L. Longest relationship. May not be long to you but it was to me. 6 months was my longest relationship and I really did feel like I was in love. I thought they were my soul mate. L didn't think the same.

          L hurt me. A lot. And never made me feel love when I truly needed to feel it(I don't know ow how to love correctly mostly because of them). They destroyed my confidence and made me waste your months trying to feel love from them. They hated the thought of me dating them. Yet they said yes anyway. I wonder why.

          L has always been off about a relationship with me. We started dating on my birthday which ironically is Valentine's Day. They lived in Florida. I was in new jersey. We originally met on discord and were planning to meet at some point t during the summer. They would've flown to me.

          They never called me pet names, they never said I love you back unless I kept on saying it, begging them to say it back, they never tried to talk to me(I had to be the starter of most conversations).

          They were only there when they were bored. They had this friend. We'll call him K. K was not a good person. He fat shamed me many many times. All times were in front of L. Did L do anything? No. He was the friend j was told not to worry about. Thats just his humor. Not long after L and I broke up(which tore me apart and lead me to wanting to commit suicide. I have adhd and I take medication for it. Take a guess how I would've done it), L told me they had a crush on K. I knew it from the start that it would happen. Nightmares I have had of them leaving me for that fat shaming whore were coming true.

          K didn't like L back. I found it funny. For the next few months I tried to replace L. It never worked. It hurt me more and more. I don't even know how to be my true self anymore because of L. It broke me. But then...i met someone. In art club at school.

          We'll call him R. R is...amazing. And actually makes me able to feel something—and he doesn't get mad when I make a mistake like L used to. He actually loves me(at least I think so.)

          R and I are dating currently and I want it to stay that way..i may seem clingy but all I want is to for someone to love me as much as I love them. I love R so much...i would die for his dumbass. My friends and I call him Elf. It's funny. Hes really short and it's cute how he gets all flustered easily.

          I don't wanna mess it up man. This is my last chance at love. If he goes...im done..anyways. Heres page one I guess. I hope everyone has a good day. I'm gonna wait for R to get online now.

          Expect a lot of depressing shit here. Okay?