Wheels and Jesus

Chapter 1

I am not unhappy nor miserable, life could be worse, yes, I can't walk for long or be a dancer and I'm forced to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.

I'm telling you my life is a fairy tale in comparison to others, I could've been dead, sleeping in my graving somewhere in a graveyard six feet under, I could've been blind, deaf or mute, my life could've been completely isolated from outside this world.

My mother told me that, but in truth, I wish that I could walk, the friends that I made in the rehabilitation centre told me that I will get used to my disability and that I will see it as something great. I don't see it as a blessing, but a punishment, not from God, but from Satan. Why did he punish me, because I was and I am and I will always be truthful to my God.

I can also see this as a test of faith. So that's why I am not miserable, but I cannot and will not ever see this as a blessing, because it doesn't glorify God. He will be glorified soon, I know that.

"Where are you thinking about, Deborah?" My mother is carefully giving me a sad smile, she thinks that I became depressed after the accident. That is not true at all, my other friends were all dancers so I don't hang out with them and I am not so fond of the happy wheels comments of my rehabilitation friends. So I rather stay home.

"No, mother it is all fine, stop worrying about me. Could we stop at the McDrive, I am quite hungry, we have been driving for so long. " My mom's face is becoming sad, she dislikes driving since the accident. She is really afraid, drives really slow and careful and never at night. If she can take public transport she will, even if it costs her more time, money or (usually and) more energy.

She usually does what I want out of guilt, she bought a second hand car for me with bad brakes. She knew that when buying it, yet never told me. I had to find out the hard way. So please don't get me wrong, I am not spoilt or angry at her, because it had to happen. I just feel that, but I am not happy about it.

We finally arrived at my new house, I am so nervous to be really honest. The keys weigh very heavy in my hands. My mom helps me out of her car and I see that she is crying.

"The first that you moved out was three weeks before the accident," I now also feel the floodgates opening and I hug her.

"I love you mother, please don't feel angry," things are getting better I was thinking of myself in my mind. We walked to the house, well walked. I rang my doorbell as my hands were too shaky at the moment. My mom cocked her eyebrows, but shrugged it off.

My housemate opened the door, Hannah immediately fell into my arms and kissed me on the cheeks several times, I am not so fond of physical contact and pushed her off me. She as happy and kind as she is, wasn't offended at all and just jumped in my mom's arms. I simply wheeled myself in my new house as the others were doing happy and clingy.

And yes, even before the accident, I wasn't into physical contact. I think from the moment I was born, I rather had no one touch me. If somebody picked me up I started crying, so they never held me unnecessarily.

My part of the house was beautiful , I owned the first floor and Hannah the second. Our parents bought the house as the previous owners, were disabled and rented upstairs for other people.

We have our own bathrooms, own study spaces, two balconies and we will only share the living room, dining area and the kitchen. There is an elevator in the house, which can get me upstairs. The house was truly amazing and I am so thankful for our parents, they even decided to pay our rent until our incomes are stable and sufficient enough to do it on our own. All of them decided that it is time to move out and live on our own.

I feel kind of great as other people still look down on me literally and figurally. They thought that I lost all my independence and that I will never leave my parents house again. Well, I am really starting to prove them, because being disable does not make me unable.

"Hey Debbie, here is some of your stuff, your dad will bring the rest during the week," I nod and hug her. Hannah walks in the room and says.

"Hannah is quite hungry, so she will eat some of the McDonalds, Deborah and her kind mother brought for me and than I will go to bed, because today was a long day." I smile at her and my mom and I join her after my mother helps me in my sleeping attire. I could do that alone, but I am a little lazy today.