I said to this train driver: "I want to go to Paris." He said: "Eurostar?" I said: "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin."
You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a Catholic converter.
A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train load of terrapins. What a turtle disaster.
I'm in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a year's supply of Marmite - one jar.
I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and said: "Did you get my drift?"
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next." (Okay, this ones kinda funny. Stupid blonde)
- Have nothing against blondes!!!
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
YOU ARE READING
Things Everybody Should Know
Cerita PendekWant something short to read? Have a flick through, you'd be surprised by what you find. Jokes are not mine, I just pulled them together so no-one needs to look anywhere else! I mean, where's the time?
