King of Fanservise (English Version)

1.1 - (Un)Happy Birthday.

12/04/2022

10:47pm

— I'm not used to this.

— Only once in a while...

I took a deep breath. Type just mumbled something and Tharn understood the confirmation, switching positions. Mew looked so uneasy being on top of me, but we needed to get on with the scene, so I kissed him. The scene cut and cut again, and I remember why, I never controlled myself with those touches, we, together, always ended up overreacting when it came to an NC, but that would never air, but it stayed in my mind as I watched him kissing mine... Kissing Type's chest, making him moan softly; the kiss was with tongue, always. Mew was a really good kisser and I remember the feeling to this day...

I paused the episode, that's all I had left of it, after all. Videos, memories of that time when everything was flowers, where we became one of the couples – imaginary, Gulf, imaginary couple – most loved and known in Thailand because of our characters. The chemistry I felt with him was so great, so overwhelming, that it didn't need to be interpreted, acted, the opposite from him, who always lied excellently well, so much so that it made me lose myself in the character. His character. Thinking that at least a third of what he said or did was true. Ever since... All lies.

Watching TharnType on an eternal loop when I have free time has become an addiction, a necessity. It was what made me feel good and what destroyed me in the same intensity. The memory of it all was wonderful, because of this series my profession became known, I thank it for the opportunity, for the support I received and continue to receive. I see that many say that I used Suppasit to get fame and it still hurts me, they say I keep remembering the Waanjais for wanting to profit from them. I never asked for money. Nobody knows the truth and wouldn't have the courage to speak, to end up like the other, accused of wanting to attract attention. I... I'm sorry I can't let go of that, nobody knows how it hurts to have my name next to his all the time. It's like... It's been linked forever, just like they thought we were before, linked, predestined to meet each other.

I should hate Mew Suppasit, should hate this name, seeing his name. However, the only hate I have is to myself, hate for not being able to hate him, for not having the slightest ability to get him out of my head, my thoughts, the portrait above my headboard... fiancee bunny... from... Nothing.

I sighed deeply and tossed the phone onto the sofa, far away from me. I loved those moments when I could be myself, away from the spotlight, away from the world, my world, where I could show myself fragile so no one could see. But before, he saw, and he cared for me... My lips tremble, the memory of him only pretending makes me fall apart. Hell, I was already crying again.

xxx

"Are you free now?" 11:23:14. Sent.

"Phi Mew?" 11:39:59. Sent.

I looked at the time, a few minutes were left to end the day that should have been special for me and nothing, no one messages from Mew, not even a measly congratulations. I blocked the cell phone and placed it on top of me, taking a deep breath, I didn't want to cry anymore because of what I had, but I thought it shouldn't have, ended. As long as the contract existed, he congratulated me, seemed to make an effort to make me happy; he did surprises and even sang for me, but now? It's the fifth day he doesn't answer me, accumulating 114 hours without any response from him. Thankfully the Phiballs and Waanjais have been with me all day, this tears only forming when I'm alone, me and what should be him but it's just my phone screen. Shit, I should know my Nothing place. Nothing, that's what I am to him after all.

I was startled by the vibration of the cell phone in my stomach. The belly that he...

— This is not fanservice, I really think your belly is soft.

I ignored my memories and unlocked the screen, it was a notification from him. My heart was so racing, a hope rose in me, he had remembered...

"Not now, Gulf. I'll talk to you later." 11:59:59. Received.

12pm. He finished. My smile was gone as quickly as it appeared and I threw my phone again, this time on the ground, fueled by anger, hurt. Without realizing it, I was crying again, harder, noisier, alone. I watched the cracked screen from afar, glowing with his open message. I can't take this anymore... I grabbed a pillow and placed it against my face, screaming against it, trying to ease the pain. But it didn't help, it never did, not even that day... "HBD bro", I had commented. I didn't even get a response from him in person or over the phone. What did I do so wrong?

-----------------------------------------------------------

Notes: This thing is on my mind since what Mew said in an interview, I created several theories, good and bad, and this is one of them. Lol It's not a happy fanfic, I hope you understand. The dates are very important and the chapters will be in this format. Thank you for the reading and I'm sorry if I wrote something wrong, English is not my first language. Thanks! ❣️