Her Lesson

Chapter 12 | Don't Say It

A/N: this chapter and the next have scenes where the characters smoke weed; if you're not comfortable with this, please skip this chapter and the next one. Thanks!

VANESSA

MY MOM SITS ON the edge of her bed, crying softly into her hands. My vision blurs with tears as I walk over to her. When I touch her shoulder, she flinches and looks up at me. She lays her head on my stomach when she realizes it's me and not my father. Abuse has a way of breaking people down until they're nothing but a shell of the person they once were.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, mom," I apologize as I run my fingers through her dark hair. Small strands start to fall out and I stop, just rubbing her back to provide her some sort of comfort. I don't know what I'm apologizing for, but seeing her hurt makes me feel guilty, especially because it was my fault.

I sit down next to her on the bed and pull her into my arms. In my arms, she's frail and so damn skinny. She's always been a tiny lady, but seeing her this small pokes at something in my heart. Just the tightness of a normal hug feels as if I could snap her in half.

"Don't, Vanessa," she whispers and I frown. "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for...He wasn't always like this, he was sweet before life happened. It's nobody's fault but his, and I wish I was strong enough to get us away from him but I'm just not." Tears are falling down my face now, my throat and chest tight and hot with emotion.

"I hate him," I whisper, remembering all of the times I had to clean the blood off the floor and my skin, cover the bruises and clean the cuts he left on my tan skin. "But I also love him, and I also want to hurt him like he hurt us countless times."

"I know, darling, I know," she replies. Lifting her head from my shoulder, she looks up at me and stares at my face, hers splotchy and streaked with tears. "When...When I'm gone and you're left with him, I want you to run, run so far away Vanessa."

"No! You're going to beat this, mom. You're so strong. The cancer isn't going to win." I cry and she cups my face in her skinny, shaking hands.

"It already has darling... I lied to you that day I came home from my last hospital visit." She looks away from me, like the pain of telling me will hurt her as well as me.

"Don't you dare," I warn. I'm so sad and so fucking angry now that I clench my hand into a fist.

Don't say it.

Don't say it.

I block out her voice and spring from the bed, terrified of what's going to spill from her cracked lips. But blocking her words out is of no use, the letters that spill out of her mouth tear my heart completely in two, and a sharp cry rips from my throat.

"You're lying!" I shout, hating myself for the way she flinches, but I can't control my reaction. "You're lying! You're lying!" Sobbing, I pace the small room and my fist goes straight through the drywall while she cries on the bed.

"I'm not," she cries. "The doctors said it's spread, that continuing with the chemo could kill me faster than the cancer. My body isn't strong enough, darling."

She stands shakily from the bed and wraps her arms around me and I lose it, I break down, sobbing as she holds me to her chest. When she's gone, this embrace will never be there to comfort me when I'm upset.

"Please, mom. Please don't leave me," I beg but I know she's not able to control the disease that tears through her body, ruining everything in its' path.

"I'm sorry, darling, but it's not something I'm able to control." She wipes the tears from my cheeks, sadness swimming in her dull blue eyes, one of the things I inherited from her. She rubs my back, hugging me to her as if it's the last warm embrace we'll ever share. We sit together, in each other's arms until the sun shines its golden evening light through the windows and my mom tells me she'd like to get some rest.

After tucking my mom into bed, I kiss her forehead and slip out of her room so she can rest her mind and body. The floorboards creak under my feet as I walk down the hallway toward the living room where Norman is sitting in his recliner, an MMA fight streaming live on the TV as he takes swigs from his beer. I shake my head and walk to my room, grabbing a granola bar from the cupboard before doing so.

With my back placed against my grey wall, I slide down it and pull my knees to my chest as I tap through my phone and delete the dating apps I had installed before Lily and I became anywhere near serious. And soon, I'm scrolling through my contacts. Once I find Blaine's, I press the call button and wait for her to pick up.

My eyes drift to the small wooden box under my bed just as she answers. I lean forward and grab it, opening the lid and inhaling the familiar smell of weed. It's a strong mix of skunk and plants, a scent that can last for hours after it's smoked.

"What's up, bitch? I'm doing some history homework right now," she says into the phone and I hear the faint sound of rock music in the background.

"You're actually doing schoolwork? I'm in shock," I reply as I dig through the items in the box, my fingers grazing the edges of my lighter and then the velvet baggie.

"Yes, believe it or not, I have to pass to graduate." I can just imagine her rolling her eyes as she scribbles something down in her notebook, spinning around in her office chair.

"Unfortunately..." My response drags on as I stare at the two blunts in a velvet baggie. "Wanna pause that homework? I have a blunt that is begging to be smoked right about now."

"You know I'd always choose my weed over school. Same spot in twenty?" Her voice cuts out but I catch the words and stand from the floor.

"Yeah, but make it fifteen, I got shit to do later tonight."

"What shit?"

"Nothing important," I respond and I shrug as if she's in my room and I'm looking at her.

But it is important, something worth more than my life. And that something is seeing my gorgeous girl and apologizing to her for our argument earlier in the day. I plan on making it up to her all damn night long, each harsh word I spoke to her will be repaid in one well-deserved orgasm after the next. My formal apology to her.

My eyes search my room for my bookbag and I grab it, throwing clothes in it, my toothbrush, the wooden box, and a few other things I may need at Lily's. When I'm ready, I check on my mother and ignore my dad completely as I grab two cans of beer from the table. He doesn't say anything, only grunts when I step in front of the TV, and that's how I like him to be: Completely fucking silent so I don't have the urge to bash his face into the table, but the urge never really goes away.

Seven minutes later, I'm in my car and on the road as I drive to the spot Blaine and I usually smoke and drink at, sometimes just us, other times with Oliva and Sloan. From a few miles away, I spot the tree on the hill of our shitty medium-sized town, Norton.

This town is separated into three groups, the wealthy like the governor and her staff members, then there are the ones that are comfortable like doctors and teachers, and people who have enough to get by. Lastly, you have the strugglers, people who are addicts, people who only work a few hours a day and blow money on stupid shit, and the neglected class of people who just need someone to help them. As bitches that live on the furthest side of town, that's where my friends and I fit in and we wouldn't have it any other way. Living as a free adult is better than being forced to attend a fancy college so I don't disappoint mommy and daddy.

Consumed by my thoughts, my knuckles are white around the steering wheel and I take a deep breath and pull into the small parking slot next to Blaine's red Honda and huff out a breath when I have to move over a bit so she can get out of her car.

Yeah, I really fucking need weed right now.