Songs as Stories

Oleander - Mother Mother

(Author's note: This story may be triggering for some. This story may talk about abuse. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)

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"You stood beside me when I was out of my mind"

It was cold, too cold for most but to me... it was perfect. I felt the most at home when it was cold. The numbing, almost painful chill reminded me of the fact that I was human. A living, breathing creature. 

You on the other hand... didn't like cold. in fact, I heard you say many times that you hated it with a burning passion; which I of course thought was ironic.

I didn't understand why you'd put up with it for me.

"I broke the glass, and you were there to sweep it aside"

Pretty. That was the first word that came to mind as I saw the mirror shatter into a million pieces; the spiderweb cracks were my favorite part.

Soon enough you rushed into the room. Obviously the screaming and smashing had caught your attention. We stared at each other for awhile until you sighed; a long drawn out sound. You left the room quietly and quickly came back with a broom. I was quiet as you cleaned up the glass.

I always hated mirrors.

"And if you leave me, rest assured it would kill me"

You said that it was only going to be a short trip. 

'I'm just visiting my parents'

That was almost 5 hours ago, and I wasn't happy about it. In fact I was livid; why weren't you back yet!? You said it was going to be a short trip, and this wasn't short one. 

I felt like a was going insane, every noise made me think you were back. I even thought you were calling my name a few times from another room. But it wasn't you.

I can't wait for you to get back anymore.

"I make a mess, and you'll be there to help me undress. I'll be unclean, I'll be obscene; you'll be the rest"

I expected you to be mad at me; after all I just threw everything from the kitchen shelves onto the floor. I shattered plates on the walls, I screamed and yelled terrible things at you... I even threatened you with a sharp piece of ceramic.

 Yet you didn't do anything except smile and offer to bandage my hand.

I didn't notice I had cut myself on the broken plate until now.

"And if you leave me, rest assured it would kill me"

I told you how I didn't like you leaving; and I that I decided that you'd stay in the house and only leave if I was there with you.

 I told you how much I missed you and that you being gone for so long was agonizing for me. 

You didn't seem to mind at the time.

"Like an oleander, white, white leaves of an oleander, white like me"

You didn't go outside that much anymore, if at all. You became quite pale over time; I always told you how pretty you were. How your skin reminded me of snow, and the cold that came with it. 

You knew how much I liked the cold, so you smiled and said that you were happy I liked your complexion. 

I didn't care that you were sick all the time.

"I'm like a child in a sty. I play with vile, I burn you right out. I burned your bible. You tried to cry, put on a smile"

As much as I liked the cold, you had the chills almost all of the time. So I decided to keep a fire in the chimney for you, despite how much I hated doing it.

You were on the couch and the fire was starting to go down. You told me to put some more fuel on the fire so I grabbed a heavy pile of papers. I noticed that a book was near the pile; and chose to throw it in the fire as well. You tried to stop me but you were so weak at this point you could only call out. After the fire started back up, I turned to you. Your hand was over your mouth, and a few tears were threatening to spill. 

But in the end, you ended up smiling as you looked up at me.

I didn't acknowledge the fact that I heard you.

"And if you leave me, rest assured it would kill me"

I came home late today. I needed to get some medicine for you when you told me that morning that you weren't feeling well. The house was dark when I stepped in; not a single light was on, not even the porch lights.

I called your name, you didn't respond. I thought that you might be asleep so I checked the bedroom. You weren't there.

I checked the basement just to see if you were watching tv at all. You've been doing that a lot recently. You weren't there either.

At last I checked the bathroom; and I found the door to be locked. I knocked... and got no response. I called your name; I was starting to panic, I was starting to get angry. Why weren't you responding or opening the door!?

I ended up kicking the door down eventually. The room was cold; I suddenly didn't like it that much. I flipped on the lights; and what greeted me was an open window.

You had lied to me; and you had left me.