Hyunjin centric :]

Hurt

Hyunjin went through some hard times as a trainee and did things that he grew to regret later in his career. The members had no idea of what he did before. They would always ask him “What's with the marks on your arms?” but they never really thought anything about it which Hyunjin was thankful for. Now, it just seemed like the same thing was happening again. He was falling back into the same hole again after years.

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Warning: This contains self harm and self hate so if things like this trigger you please don't read this

(This story is completely made up and does not represent any of them in real life. No hate to any of the characters.)

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(Hyunjin pov)

It's too much. Why does the world hate me so much? Why me? Why are people like this? Is it that necessary to hate on someone for no reason? Do they even see what they do when hating on people like me?

It felt the same as my trainee experience but just different situations. I feel just as bad, I hate myself just as much as before and I just feel so tired. I lived through many bad situations as an idol but I don't know why this gives me the same feeling as in my trainee days. It's probably everything piling up from over the years.

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I really don't feel good mentally but everytime I want to talk about it to someone I stop myself.

Felix was going through a bad time a few weeks ago. His mental health was getting worse and he overworked himself alot. He passed out in the practice room once and that's when the chaos started. He opened up to us about what he is going through and the attention has been mostly on him for the past few weeks. The members always ask him if he's okay and they have been very protective of him since that incident.

I feel as if nobody cares for me since all the attention is going to Felix and everytime I need something it’s always excused for Felix. I honestly feel selfish for wanting attention because it's as if im trying to steal attention from him when he deserves it the most.

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With nobody knowing at first and thinking he’s just having multiple bad days, telling him he needs to get over what ever was going on because they don’t have time the situation just kept getting worse.

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'I'm overreacting, I can handle this alone. It's not even that big of a deal.'

Wrong.

I tried my best not to do it again but I just couldn't. I feel like I deserve the pain for some reason. I can't even feel it. It hurts more inside than outside. After all the pain I'm going through inside some scars that I deserve wouldn't do much. Right..?

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After weeks and going to the point where I have both of my wrist up to my elbow cut up I start to realize that-

Oh...maybe I was actually wrong.
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(Han's pov)

Hyunjin has been locking himself in his room alot lately and I've barely seen him in the past few weeks other than in shows, lessons and dance practice. At first I thought nothing of it but it's honestly getting worrying. I don't even know what he is doing in there. I thought painting at first but that's way to much time to be always using it to paint. I know something is wrong but not exactly what it is. I can read through him because we used to fight before. Fighting just brought us closer and I understand him better than many people.