The story of our Goodbye

We were very tired from our journey, we had been sailing for a while now, so we decided to take a halt at the nearest shore. The boat stopped, and she told me she wanted to rest for a while, so I got out and started stretching, I looked at her, she was beautiful, I suddenly remembered the lyrics from 'Just the Way You Are' by Bruno Mars,

"...when I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change cause you're amazing just the way you are...."

She looked back and smiled at me.

I went to get some things done, but when I returned, I saw the boat moving away from the shore. She realized the boat was rocking and woke up trying to find me. She was surprised, confused, afraid. Emotions flooded her mind that I could see in her eyes, she had not pushed the boat, then what had happened? I started screaming for help. I threw everything from my hand, jumped in the water and started swimming towards the boat, but the water was very rough, and I could not reach the boat. She was about to jump but realized that it was dangerous, so she stayed in. I was standing in the water watching her move away from me. At that moment I realized that this might be over. This might be the end of our journey. I broke down and started crying.

I had never thought about my life without this journey, and I had just realized I had lost this, which made me start screaming even more. I walked out of the water towards the shore. It was already cold, the wind was ferocious, and I was standing there wet from head to toe. I saw that the boat was moving in a specific direction and not randomly. It was taking her somewhere, which at least made me feel good that she is safe in there. What had happened then?

Maybe destiny had decided that this was not going to happen, that going our separate ways was the right way ahead. But why? I did not want that to happen. I wanted us to move ahead and stay on the journey till I saw my last sunset and kissed her goodbye. We had been travelling for a while, and the journey had been beautiful. Yes, there had been difficult times, but not so bad that they would break us. We had started our journey in our late teens and was very exciting. We had plans for our future about how we would make changes in the boat, the things we would add, the places we would go, and the way we wanted to kiss each other goodnight every night of our life watching the open sky. I fell to my knees, I did not want it to end. Finally, there came a point where she went so far that I did not see her anymore. I sat down right there and pulled out a cigarette, as I lit that cigarette up and took my first drag in, I closed my eyes and felt the pain inside me.

I had lost her. It was not like I had never thought about it but for the first time I was actually experiencing it, I started remembering all the times when I had treated her badly, every time I could have treated her nice but I did not, every time she asked me for a little more time but I was busy doing things that did not matter, every time I should have told her how much I loved her, every time I should have told her how lucky I was to have her in my life and in this journey with me, and at that moment I realized that regret is stronger that gratitude.

I had heard that boys do change but they change when it's too late and it was true, I could see it. I was ready to do everything that would have made her feel good but now it was too late, maybe this was exactly why destiny decided to pull her away from me, maybe I wasn't prepared for the journey ahead, maybe I wasn't the right person then. The next thought broke me even more, the thought that someday there will be someone else there in my place, that someday someone will join her in the same boat where I imaged marrying her, that someday someone will hold her hand and pull her close, that someday someone will be with the girl that I love so much. I got up and started walking away from the water, high on emotions, filled with pain and regret, angry on myself and in a place where I could not see any future. I walked a few steps and turned around, I realized that again I was doing the same mistake, I was still being an ungrateful piece of shit by walking away with anger and regret. I realized that I had been in a journey that was the best in my lifetime, and I cannot walk away from this sad, I started this journey as a different person and I was a different person by the end of it, this journey gave me a lot. Even after getting so much love and memories life had decided to pull us apart so there was some meaning to it, I had learned a very big lesson by the end of this journey, and I realized that I was again not being thankful.

I understood that destiny did this for a reason, she was meant to go ahead as something even more beautiful was waiting for her, I was meant to stay here as something amazing was waiting for me too. Yes, I was afraid of thinking that my love might be in someone else's arms, but I wanted her to stay safe and happy all her life, so I joined my hands and prayed to my god that I hope her partner looks into her eyes and tells her how much he loves her and how lucky he is to have her as his companion. By this point I had a small smile on my face, I closed my eyes, thanked her for the beautiful time we had spent together, acknowledged that I will always remember this as a good time in my life, apologized that I would have to leave the love that I have for her behind as that would be a weight that won't let me move from this shore, it would make me hope that she would return someday but I knew that she wasn't going to. I opened my eyes, looked at the part where I saw her last and waved goodbye, turned around and kept walking.