Mommy, do you hate me?
I know when you kiss me goodnight
When you come to all my recitals
You tell me you love me, you're proud of me.
Mommy, are you lying?
Because Daddy told me that
When I was just a baby, you almost threw me,
Right up against the wall.
Mommy, do you know how hard I try?
I've gotten straight As my whole life,
And I'm trying my best even when
My anxiety makes it near impossible.
Mommy, why do you hate me?
Even when I forget to practice piano
Or clean the bunny or guinea pig cages
I've always been pretty good.
Mommy, is this why you hate me?
Do you hate that I don't practice enough?
Or that I like to hang out with my friends
Because I'm terrified of loneliness?
Mommy, will you give me a chance?
Now that I think about it,
I cry when you show that you hate me
Because mommy, I love you.
Mommy, do you love me at all?
Are you concerned about my
Mental health and safety, so much as
My grades and studies?
Mommy, do you know that I love you?
I made you that mother's day card this year
About how much I love you,
And I meant the entire thing.
Mommy, why are you doing this to me?
It's tearing me from the inside out,
I feel nauseous waiting for you to get
Home from work, will you yell today?
Mommy, did you know that this is abuse?
You say these words, and the words hurt.
Instead of physical bruises, I get bruises in my head,
Called "depression" and "anxiety".
Mommy, why do you yell at me?
I would listen better if you just talked,
And I wouldn't get so nervous, and
I would trust you even more.
Mommy, why do you hate me when I'm crying?
Just tonight you yelled "oh, stop crying!"
When I'm sad these days, I hide in the bathroom
And talk to God, praying that you won't find me.
Mommy, what are you doing to me?
I'm not that bad if you give me a change
But you are so intent that I am a bad kid,
You make me think I'm a bad kid too.
Mommy, will you please love me?
Mommy?
