Bird

xxiii

We rushed to the hospital she was admitted to and they wouldn't let me see her because she was in the emergency room. My chest felt heavy and I couldn't catch my breath. Why ? I knew she wasn't okay and she was hiding it from me. If I knew something was wrong why didn't I visit her to see if she was okay.

"Bird!", Ash called,as I stumbled a nurse nearby yelled something that I didn't hear and got me to sit down. The people around me kept saying things that I couldn't hear clearly because it was like my head was under water.

It was getting hard to breathe and I saw the frightened look on my children's faces.I tried hard to say something to go to them, to hold them and tell them I was alright and there was nothing to worry about.

"Look at me Raven ,I want you to take deep breaths",the nurse said. I tried to do as she said, doing my best when I saw Merce crying and Caleb trying his best to comfort her even though he too was scared.

Another nurse decided to take the kids away for which I was grateful.

"That's right, you're doing great Raven",the nurse smiled at me and said. After getting my panic attack under control,I finally let go of Ash's hand that I didn't realize I was squeezing the life out of.

"Are you okay Mommy?", Merce asked and threw herself into my arms,Caleb too did the same ,I know I must have scared both of them.

"I'm fine my babies, mommy just got a little nervous",I said and kissed them both.

After waiting for some time the light in the emergency room didn't change,we waited and waited until the doctor walked out.

"How's my grandmother?", I asked as soon as they walked out.

" Are you the family of..?", He asked but I didn't wait for him to finish before I answered and told him I was her granddaughter.

"You're grandmother has severe acute pneumonia",he said and took a deep breath " she has some pleural effusion which is inhibiting her heart from pumping on arrival she also showed confusion her tests also showed she had raised blood urea nitrogen,a raised respiratory rate,low blood pressure such test scores are really dangerous for those especially her age which is about 65 , we've tried all we could but she isn't showing any signs of improvement",

How come it has gotten this serious , she said it was only a bad cough.

"She won't make it through the night",he said after seeing my confusion.

"No, please, I'm begging you. There must be something you can do",I sobbed and grabbed his white coat.

" I'm sorry miss Bryce,I suggest you begin saying your good-byes",

" No! She can't die! You hear me ! No not my nana, I'm begging you",I sobbed.

" You're running out of time, this may be the last time you see her alive",he gently reminded me.

How did it get this serious? I had so many questions. How did the people taking care of her fail to see that she was seriously ill.
" Okay",I whispered and wiped my tears,I was shaking like a leaf,it was times like this I wished I still had those soothing pills.

"What did the doctor say?",Ash, who was taking care of the children asked.

I wiped my tears and took a deep breath pulling them all in my arms. "Nana is very sick",

"Is she dying?", Caleb asked

" Yes",I swallowed and answered.

"Like Caleb's other mom?", Merce asked.

"Yes baby",

" Will we never see her again?"She asked, her voice getting smaller and cracking at the end.

I didn't have the strength to answer so I just nodded my head in agreement as tears silently fell.

We sat there and cried. I couldn't even comfort my children,we sat there until a nurse came to call us to go in and see her.
Because there was a chance we too could contract pneumonia,we had to put on the protective gear as instructed. I first went in with the children and it was heartbreaking to see them cry and beg her not to go. When they left and I was left alone with her I didn't know what to say. It was all so much for me,it was happening too quickly and I couldn't wrap my head around it.

She looked so frail and pale,she looked nothing like the woman that raised me. She was all I had,I don't remember my parents because they died when I was really young , she's been my mother, father, friend, everything. She gave me the world and stood by me no matter what.

I stayed there and just held her cold hand, listening to the out of rhythm beating of her heart. I don't know how long I stayed there but as the hours passed through the night I kept reminding myself not to have hope like the doctor said,but a small part of me couldn't help but do. I hoped she would open her eyes at some point and tell me not to worry and that she was okay.

As the sun cut through the sky my grandmother took her last breath.