That's what you think

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People don't usually remember how they meet their closest friends. I do though. The day I met my best friend was on the first day of school. The day I met my friend was the one I remember the most. At first, it was nothing. No butterflies. No irregular heartbeats. No red faces. No blank stares. No embarrassment. Need I say more? There was none of that. Nothing to worry about, but in the end he became my first crush.

Trivial things like that never really mattered to me. It didn't bother me that everyone was taken and snogging their significant other at every chance they get. I just ignored it. I never thought of a future with a family. Just college and a job. That's all I ever wanted, but with these new feelings, I just got too greedy. I thought about my future with him. I thought about how we'd live together. How we could go on dates. How we could snuggle watching a movie. How we could just be together.

As I watched from afar, my feelings grew stronger and I could no longer hold it in. I couldn't tell anyone though. Not even the ones closest to me.

After two short years, I fell in love countless times. I couldn't do anything though. Why did it matter? Even though short, it felt like forever before I felt like I could talk to him casually. Now that I could, I screwed up. I went and said something stupid.

"Crying? How lame."

The moment I sent it, I regretted it. But what could I do? I waited for his reply and seconds felt like hours. The next thing he sent me?

"Obviously it's not as important to you as it is to others."

With that, I knew that I messed up and it probably hurt him. Me, talking about his likes and others crying about it probably hurt it. It probably occurred to him that he thought I didn't like the same thing as him. But he's wrong. But how could I explain it? I replied again without thinking and the answer couldn't have been lamer.

What could I do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I was usually an authoritative person, but with him, I felt vulnerable and I hated and loved it.