it's a sickening symphony - chuuya x reader x dazai - soukoku x reader

i was nothing before so i couldn't have asked to be born

safe harbor, to most an orphanage, to some profit, and to few, hell. but to you it was a nightmare that used you and left you for dead. robbed you of your childhood and forever corrupted your mind. so now you were back with only one desire left in your pitiful life: burn safe harbor to the ground.

you really had no idea when safe harbor was founded. but as far as you were concerned it had been around for at least the time you'd been alive, and anything before that simply didn't matter. to you the first relevant thing in safe harbor's history was your parents bringing you there. now that you thought about it, you never did know your parents. perhaps they sold you to safe harbor for profit. or maybe they just abandoned you on some park bench and someone from there simply picked you up. but whatever they did you couldn't help but resent them. because even if they didn't mean to, they were the reason you ended up where you did. even if they didn't know what safe harbor was, they still allowed you to fall into its hands. but maybe it really was reasonable, not knowing what safe harbor was. under the eyes of the law it really was just an orphanage. very few understood its true nature. because the simple fact is:

safe harbor is anything but safe. it was never meant to be safe. it was built on people's greed and willingness to hurt anyone who got in the way of their desires. mentally, emotionally, physically. it didn't matter, no morals were involved in the founding of safe harbor. but that's to be expected of a criminal organization, isn't it? and really that's all safe harbor was. a filthy group of cowardly criminals, prying on fragile minded children for profit.

your stomach churned. fragile minded? are you still that way now? or perhaps you only would have ended up that way if you continued there. and the fact of the matter is, if you weren't lucky enough to have been so weak perhaps you would still be there. so was the fate of all the children who resided there. weak minded. naive. stupid. that or they've already been corrupted by the system they never chose to be inducted to. either way was hell. though for a few, they might have ended up like you. kicked to the curb simply for being worthless. worthless power, worthless mind, worthless body. left on the streets by the very criminal organization that had robbed you of a childhood, proper education, and happiness. the very organization that specialized in turning toddlers to assassins. in raising children to be monsters. they left you for dead as soon as they came to the conclusion you were too weak to serve their purposes.

you don't know how you made it. you were only twelve when you abandoned, after all. twelve when they came to the conclusion that your ability really had no potential for their work. twelve when they decided you were years of wasted effort. twelve when you were rejected, deemed unfit, by hell itself. but somehow you managed. you survived the unkind streets of yokohama. you dined with roaches and slept with rats. you lied, you stole, and you fought tooth and nail to keep yourself alive. even when you never knew exactly what you were living for.

it's been three years since safe harbor had removed you from their operations. and you've grown a lot since then. you've taught yourself that your ability isn't as worthless as some say, they're imbeciles anyways. they can't comprehend that anything other than a combatant ability is not worthless. you've taught yourself to grow cold, detached. that no one here was worth pitying because deep down all humans were the same. you've taught yourself to lie, manipulate, and fool. that the ends always justify the means, if the end is in your favor. because what was life if not an everyman for themselves battle ground? a barbaric free for all.

it's been exactly three years since safe harbor had removed you from their operations. they probably don't remember that though. but you did. you'd grown bitter, resentful. perhaps it was overemotional, perhaps it was pathetic. but you couldn't care less. safe harbor was the root cause of all your troubles when you thought about it. and you've grown so much since they had decided you were far too weak, no? so how about you celebrate the three year anniversary? give a little display of how much you'd improved. use the very monster they melded to end them.