I was pretty wise for being only four years old, I know my mom thought I wasn't aware of bad situations but I did. I was in a fast red car with my mom's friends, I didn't like them very much they were loud and smelled bad. We stopped at a store and me and my mom walked in It was midnight and we were at some store in Arkansas, back then stores lacked modern-day security and there was only one cashier present in the store. I was walking around the small store with my mom. She stuck me close by her side so that the stench of her last smoke was present. I quickly turn away when I see a beautiful pair of sparkly black shoes. My already chubby cheeks expanded as I smiled. My mother followed my glance, quickly picked them up, and winked at me. I happily bounced by her side as I watched her graze through the variety of clothing. I watched in awe as her blue eyes focused on every article of clothing that caught her eye, when she was done she had an armful of clothes. She and I headed to the bathroom where she took some of the clothes she picked for me and started to change me. I didn't say anything because I knew she would pay for it. As we made our way out, I see that her friends that were waiting in the car came into the store and started to Rome around, what seems like maybe five minutes her two friends had two carts full of clothes and food. when it was time to pay her friends quickly left the store with the carts of stuff. I watched them in awe, they were STEALING, I was only 4 but I knew stealing was wrong. I tugged at my mother's blouse and whispered "mom'. She ignored me and started to walk to the lady and bought a container of the white sticks she usually puts in her mouth. I started to worry about the things that we took and said "hey lady is it okay if we steal this stuff? My mom quickly looked bewildered. She clamped her palm around my mouth "oh what an imagination you have I am paying right now. She gave me the "don't talk look" and I quickly shut up. She grabbed my hand and we exited the store. We got in the car and left. Because of this when someone accuses me of stealing I take it hard because even though I didn't do it, I feel like my mom.
Age 5 and three months:
I walk around outside and take in the scenery as I walk further down. I see these oval rocks sticking out of the ground. My Grandma comes up to me and feebly smiles her eyes are wet with tears. I hold her hand and she leads me to a group of people inside the building. I see these fancy containers sitting on a shelf surrounded by glass. I see my grandma looking at one in particular and tears pour out of her eyes. I grab her hand and smile as if to say it's ok. All she says is "she's gone. The whole day was a haze. I knew my mom was gone but I was numb. I refused to believe it so I didn't shed a tear. I just waited for her to come back and she never did. Shortly after that, I stayed with grandma and grandpas quite frequently and something told me I wasn't just visiting. My grandma told me she was my new mom grandpa was my dad I was happy because even though I missed my real mom she was never around to give me the attention I needed I was all alone and I grew up to fast so maybe this isn't so bad after all
Age 6-8:
In elementary school, I was deemed as the annoying short blonde who followed people around like a puppy, desperate for a friend, someone to share my thoughts and secrets with. Finally, this one girl comes up to me and asks me to hang out with her in PE. I was excited. People usually make small talk with me and avoid me mostly. I followed her outside and it was going well so we talked as we walked around and she suddenly turned to me and said: "want to hear a secret promise me you won't tell anyone". I pinky swore and she leaned in and she said " sometimes I lick dirt for fun". I scrunch my nose for a second and quickly say "why?'. She smiles and says "at first it was to see how it tastes but now it's to see how long I can do it without getting sick. Do you want to try it? I start to shake my head but she looks at me and says " come on for me, we are friends aren't we?'. My eyes sparkle when she says friends, and I bend down and I lick the dirt. She laughs loudly " omg I can't believe you did it."
