Wilde Fire

Chapter 7: Present

Although no goodbye would ever be as hard as the last one I shared with Ben, saying goodbye to Lily comes in a close second place. We have been sitting on her porch swing for over an hour, laughing about all of the good times we shared over the years. I notified her of our move back to Kala last night through text message, but she requested a proper goodbye.

"I'll visit you on Christmas break, I promise," Lily says with a smile, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I lean into her, taking in the distinct smell of her coconut shampoo.

The easily drivable distance between Grant City and Kala was not even in conversation, considering Lily had just shared news of her own. While I was spending my last summer before college two blocks away from where my brother died, in a town full of people who resented my family, Lily was going to be spending hers in Spain.

"I just hope my parents know what they're getting themselves into," I whisper softly, letting my feet sway beneath the moving swing.

Lily is silent, her hand gently resting on my shoulder. She knows the majority of my problems with returning to Kala, but she doesn't know them all. My questionable sanity was a sensitive subject that I couldn't even share with my best friend.

As I rock back and forth on the creaky porch swing, I feel strangely grateful for only having one person in Grant City to say goodbye to. Even after my recent friendship with Hunter Winston, I repeatedly told myself that Lily would be the only person I would miss. It was much easier to accept the fact of moving if I had less people to tell.

That left my last day in Grant City to be spent with the only person who knew what I was going through, as well as the only person I even bothered to inform.

"I know you probably don't want to hear it, but I feel like this might be good for you." Lily speaks quickly, glancing up at me through her lashes. She expected her words to make me angry.

I look up at the sky and ponder this thought. Throughout our friendship, Lily never talked about my life back in Kala unless I brought it up. Every once in a while, I would share a story about Ben or Owen, but the look in my eyes usually signaled when I wanted the subject to change. I loved Lily for respecting my privacy, for listening when I wanted to share, but for never pushing the conversation further than I was comfortable. Normally, a suggestion regarding such a personal topic would have offended me, but after my revelation at the graduation party, I felt something entirely different. I believed her.

"You might be right," I say quietly. The excitement in her eyes makes me smile.

Lily leans forward and pulls me into another one of her infamously tight hugs.

"Oh, Sid," she whispers into my shoulder. "I wish I could be there with you, but I know you'll be just fine."

"How do you know that?" I ask, trying not to cry. I was used to suffering alone, especially since my parents had so quickly moved on after Ben's death. For some reason, the idea of facing this on my own frightened me to the core.

"You're stronger than you think, Sidney. You just need to believe that as much as I do."

I let her words sink in, struggling to find the truth. I am silent long enough that Lily decides to change the subject.

"Are you packed?" she finally asks.

I recall the stacks of boxes that line the empty walls of our home, the boxes of Ben's things from the attic secretly placed with my own.

"Yeah," I say softly, dreading the morning to come. "Our house is ready to move, but I'm still not."

I was given only a few days to gather my belongings and let reality sink in, and I still despise the idea of returning to the place that destroyed me. I still resent my parents for breaking our promise and forcing me to go back. I am also still scared to death of what could happen to me upon return.

"Are you okay, honey?" my mother asks innocently from the front seat. She catches my gaze in the rearview mirror, worry crossing her worn and weathered features. After our argument a few days ago, she seems to have returned to her normal calm and reassuring state. After all, there was no more discussion. We were moving back to Kala, and that was final. In fact, we will be there in less than five minutes.

My father continues to silently turn the slick pages of the magazine in his lap, his legs crossed as he leans casually against the door of the passenger's seat. He was good at being quiet, good at sitting so still that we almost forgot that he was there. It was a benefit for him though, being able to stay silent, but still always know what was going on just by listening with open ears.

I glance at him, knowing for certain that he is only pretending to read the words on the slowly turning pages, acting as if he isn't paying attention to the first civil conversation my mother and I have shared all day.

"I'm fine," I lie, staring straight ahead. Why would she even ask me this? I was silent all morning, mechanically placing the contents of our lives into the U-Haul and the trunk of our car, hoping that my parents would change their minds if they saw the look of despair on my face. Of course, they didn't.

My stomach is tight with nerves, my entire body quivering as I see the familiar landscape appear in my peripheral vision. I turn my head and watch the trees fly past, their limbs swaying gently in the spring breeze. Seconds later, I catch my first glimpse of the town we left behind.

My breath catches in my throat, and my seat belt suddenly feels as if it is suffocating me. My scar burns, my necklace feels as if it weighed a thousand pounds, but most of all, my heart feels just as I thought it would. It feels as if I am staring at Ben's destruction all over again, as if my life has done a rewind back to that very day, when the world might as well have stopped completely.

"Welcome back," my father says under his breath, and I watch as his hand reaches across the center console and lands on my mother's knee. He squeezes it gently, and they flash one another a soft, barely-noticeable smile, unaware that I am watching.

My vision becomes blurry as the car slows and we approach the narrow bridge. I feel my stomach drop even further when I see the river, the line of dogwoods, the alcove in which Ben and I spent so much of our time... and the memories follow, rushing back to me so fast and hard that I choke out a cry.

I sit in silence, letting the tears fall slowly as the town I tried so hard to forget about comes into view. I watch the houses roll by, the blue of the sky reflecting on the windows. There are people standing in their yards, mowing the grass and watering flowers, enjoying the rising temperatures. Children run along the sidewalks, laughing as they chase one another across the yards. That is when it finally hits me. We are here, back in Kala, back in the place that I used to call home. All I can do now is either spend my summer crying, or hold my head high and attempt to move on.

Lily said it herself. I was stronger than I thought.

And for the first time since my parents broke the news to me that we were returning to Kala, being strong is the one thing that I know, deep in my heart, that I have to do.