My public diary

A question to me today

'Why I am here?' I can't answer this question, but I shouldn't deny this.
Whenever I try to track a answer of it from my inside., I get struck by an headache.
Am I afraid of facing truth?
It seems I mean to go away from this world . I wanna live in my own world , world of mine, with life only, only refreshment no death no stress, I never want to encounter these questions, that go deep inside my heart to wound it badly.

But, can I live out of this world ?
How can I , I am a common man, from whom his parents expect much, expect a good engineer.
Do they really want a engineer from me, no they want happiness only , a little happiness , a little pride of being my dad. They really want a moment , a moment , that tells them about my success, their success.
They want me to do good , to feel good . I remember the day of my failing , I had received his call 11th time at night. They were not much upset of my failing, they were upset of thinking that I would be upset.
It hurts them , my failure. But they want this thing not hurt me. They want me to get away from these.
They too don't wanna see me encounter these question .
But they always remind me the answer , but I think , they really don't want to do this , but they have to , to secure my future, to secure me.
They too want me to go away of this world . But they know there isn't any escape route , so they never tell this to me. I also believe " duniya me agar aaye ho to jina hi padega, jiwan hai agar jahar to piña hi padega" .
They know I have my own world but they can't leave me alone in such a world , as they love me, nor can I leave their world as I love them. And this is the love that makes them worry about me.
And this is the reason that I have to face the question -what I am doing here?
I would have to answer this daily till I find the real answer. But today I don't know the answer.
Today I am here on a road divided in two paths .
1)the first path looks bitter, boring, but shows a easy destination , it is short , and safe, having less chance of failure if I walk carefully. If I remember the reason of travelling on that track. If both my legs are on the same track.
2) the second path looks glamorous , has roses and thrones , adventures , struggle , all that I like. But the goal is not secure . It's a very long way, very hard to travel,. I am not sure to reach there even if I walk carefully. This road need only to remove the procrastination tag.
Now I have to choose one of the paths before it is too late . I have to know the real answer to the question -- why I am here?????
Why??
Why ? Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????????????
________\_____\____\_____\_

I really need get out of this trouble, so who ever read this story , please comment and answer which path should I choose?
The long glamorous with indefinite goal or the short with limited goals?
Should I live in limits or I should be limitless.