Don't read this. It's my diary.

Diary entery one

Tw: Self harm, bullying, and suicidal thoughts.

To me, people have a use in this world. But once the world of people have used that use of you, your done. Forgotten.
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No one realizes that you're depressed and not doing well until you get mad. Then they blame it on you.
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Hi. I live by these rules and I don't usually trust anyone because of what has been happening. I also am training myself to not open up a lot and over share.

My Name's Kaelyn, but no one calls me that. In fact, no one has ever bothered to say my nickname or my full name. I go by Lynn or Kae or KK. Mostly Lynn though.

I have problems. People don't believe I do, so I act like I don't and plaster a smile on my face. In fact, I have boy problems, I've been used, I've been backstabbed multiple times, I've been bullied, hurt by many, I have multiple fake friends, Lied to, talked about, starred down, laughed at, framed, and finally, I do self harm. It's because this world doesn't want me so I give it what it wants. For me to be gone. 

I don't cut, I torture. I have a tendency to think that I've done something very wrong or bad even if that thing was just a little slip up. So I 'punish' myself for it. So if that is the case, I'll bite my lip til it bleeds, rip out my hair, take burning hot showers, stand in the rain until I get a cold, and finally I try to not exist.

On the outside, I might be class rep, super students, class clown, involved, happy, funny, nice, well, that's because I don't want anyone to know what I've been doing.

On the inside, I'm breaking slowly, because I'm being forgotten. I've already served my purpose. I don't know what it was, but people have seemed to forget me. Except my family. But every time I try to talk to them, they always yell at me for doing something.

My friends have slowly forgotten about me, I haven't gone out in ages, I'm not even a teenager yet, and I've only seen my bsf in the past month. I haven't gone out with friends in months. I hate the winter and guess what? It's fricking winter! I hate the cold.

I get pranked on too. I get jump scared and it's not fun. Some guy spilled my tea all over me one morning and I got really mad. To make things worse about me, I have anger issues. Not a good thing.

The only thing that really does keep me going is my crush. He's literally the only person that knows my fears and problems without even speaking to me. He can tell with only a look and can try to solve the problem. But, the problem is, I can't speak to him without looking sad and looking down. I am not bold at all.

But he probably doesn't think of me in that kind of way. He probably will reject me like all the others.

And then there's my old crush. I like to think of him as an ex but I didn't date him. He's a pervert that knows how to hit me where it hurts. He's a bully and a little asshole. I don't even swear that much but he's turned into a popular jock and doesn't care about anyone but himself. He thinks I still like him and I think he tried to flirt with me silently. He tried to look up my skirt and give me dirty looks but I always just end up looking the other way and brushing him off as if he's a nobody.

Moving on, I know at least a few people like me in our horrible grade. Like, have a crush on me, like. I do have an ex, and everyone still annoys me about it. I was fake dating the kid because the dumb kid he is, he told his friends he had a gf. Turns out the kid actually likes me.

I also, I do have a gf. And yes, she knows I like someone else. I'm poly but I'm scared to ask him because not a lot of people know what that means in our school.

I love only a few things. Loli types, anime, friends, my gf, and school. The only reason I like school is because of my crush. This is where I'm going to stop my entery. I have an education to get to ya know. And sleep!

-Love Lynn

Bro it's literally 1am rn. I'm so tired and sleepy. Guess I'll see y'all tmw.