Before I left

Life on the ranch

1/10/86, Tuesday

Well I can definitely say I've gotten my exercise in, I have been doing so much walking, but I did get some tabby slimes, they remind me of my childhood cat, bubbles. It's definitely been hard adjusting, in more ways than one. I mean being on a different planet is definitely hard on you physically, and I kind of I miss my friends and family but its not like I had much, Casey was basically all I had.

Though I do feel like if I had more people around me when I was growing up I might not like solitude as much, I think I learned to like it out of survival. But I'm glad I did because I got an oppertunity most people don't. At least I think I'm glad, sometimes I do wish I needed people because I feel like I should. I mean I have friends and I love them but my world doesn't revolve around them like I felt like it should when I was on earth. Since moving here I think I've healed a lot emotionally.

All that to say life has been good. Casey writes to me regularly, so thats nice. I've discovered a lot. This kind of reminds me of this hike I once took Casey on, they hated it but I had a lot of fun heh. I think that was actually our first date.

I wonder if it ever would have worked, I mean Casey was always chasing their music career, they never stayed in one place. I'm like that too but, in the opposite direction.

I don't know how to feel about the fact that life has gotten so much easier, well, emotionally. I'm glad, but what worries me is why it's easier. I don't have Casey.
I'm glad that I got to spend my time with them and I would never take it back in a million years, but it's easier without them, thats just a fact. A mildly upsetting one but still a fact nonetheless.

It's strange, long distance was fine but when we came home it was.. different, I think when we were long distance I didn't feel obligated to stay put. But I mean even when we were long distance I felt held back, it's not Casey's fault. I wasn't aware at the time but I'm just not one for romance, I mean I do still fall in love, but when I do it holds me back. It doesn't free me like people say it should. That scares me, but at the same time it's freeing, not having to worry about that stuff. The only thing I love is adventure, and I don't know if thats wrong.

But this is a fresh start and I'm gonna leave it all behind, this is a chance for me to actually live the life I want to.