The Truth About Kian

16. Once you're gone there was never

:: C H A P T E R  S I X T E E N | ONCE YOU'RE GONE THERE WAS NEVER ::

"I want Lucky Charms!"

"Shush, Enna! You'll wake her up."

Dimly, I registered Jules arguing with his sister, but I made no move to get up from my spot on the floor. During the night I'd rolled off my pillow, and I could feel the scratchy carpet imprint on my right cheek.

I curled my legs up to my chest and pulled the afghan over my head, the morning sunlight filtering in through the holes. I could pretend that nothing was wrong in my makeshift blanket fort. In the muggy space between the floor and the afghan, Liam didn't hate my guts, and I didn't know about the letter Kian had sent to his dad and the letter that my father had helped Karter send back. I really just wanted to forget it all.

Jules gently shook my shoulder. "Breakfast, Reed. Do you want blueberries in your pancakes?"

"Sure," I mumbled, poking my head out to look at him. The cold, crisp air made the back of my neck prickle, and I began to shiver uncontrollably. "I'll be up in a minute." I felt him move away as I dragged the afghan over my head again.

Eventually I did stagger to Jules' bedroom where he kept the bits and pieces of my wardrobe that I'd left at his house over the years. Pulling on a pair of jeans and a cobalt sweatshirt, I studied myself in the mirror that hung on Jules' door.

My skin was sallow, my hair hung in a lank ponytail down my back and my eyes were red-rimmed with purple shadows underneath my eyes. I looked lifeless and hideous, and the last thing I wanted to do was see Liam at school.

"Are you sick?" Enna asked me when I took a seat beside her at the table.

"Enna! Don't be rude!" Her mom Cassandra scolded. "Reed looks beautiful — like always."

I gave her a wan smile, murmuring my thanks as I forced a forkful of pancake into my mouth. Jules' mom was everything a mother could be. She was kind and in possession of a beautiful, white-teethed, crinkled-eyes smile that she barely ever put to use. Her long dark hair was wrapped in a braid around her head, tendrils clinging to her neck and forehead. Her hazel eyes glittered gently over the rim of her cup.

"Drive Reed to school today, Julian," Cassandra instructed. "You can borrow my car. I'm off today."

Jules paused in the middle of flipping a pancake. "Are you going to paint?"

"I thinks so," she said, tipping her coffee cup back to catch the last dregs of the bitter liquid. "I just feel like something needs to go on the canvas."

"I'm going to paint in art," Enna announced, her half-chewed food on display for everyone at the table.

"That's disgusting, En," snapped Shar. "Close your mouth."

She scowled at him, and they didn't stop fighting even as we got them ready for school and hustled them out the car. After dropping them off at the elementary, we drove in silence to St. Benedict.

"You should talk to him," he said suddenly. "Give him time to cool off, but don't just let it stay between you."

"But you heard him, Jules. He hates me."

"No he doesn't." He pulled into an empty parking spot. We were early, and there weren't very many cars in the lot. I could see a group of boys jogging across the football field although I couldn't tell what sport they were part of. I wondered if Liam was among them, and the thought made my chest clench.

"I lied to him. How can he ever see past that?"

"He will. And I don't know what the deal is between you and Sincair, but he'll come around. He can't look at you the way he does and not forgive you."