That Heart Of Gold | Levi X Reader

chapter eighteen

Your chest felt heavy, your body felt numb. It was like you were drowning.

"Captain."

You stared at nothing, your back pressed against the wall, your knees up against your chest.

"Captain."

You wanted to disappear.

A hand reached out to touch your shoulder, snapping you out of your daze. Startled, you looked up to see Connie. His eyes were red and puffy, but also very far away. Your heart sank; you knew he was just trying to put up a front, to try and make it seem like he was okay.

"Are you okay?" he asked, gently taking your hand and pulling you up.

Once you were standing, a wave of exhaustion passed over you. How long had you been sat there?

"I'm okay, Connie. Thank you," you murmured, squeezing his hand to show some form of support. There were many unspoken words in the air, but you didn't want to indulge in that just yet. All you wanted was to be close to Levi. After squeezing Connie's hand one last time, you made your way over to the room you knew Levi was in. It was difficult walking with your injured leg, but you managed. You just had to push everything out of your mind. You had to make it seem like you were okay.

Once you made it to the room, you opened the door, cringing at the very noticable creaking noise it made. Everyone in the room turned to look at you, making your heart drop.

You felt Levi's gaze on you, but you couldn't look at him. Not yet. If you did, you knew that you would run and jump into his arms, sheltering yourself in his safe embrace. But you knew he wouldn't want that, not with so many watchful eyes. First, you had to get him alone.

No one said a word as you limped over to the window and leaned against the wall. The tension in the room was thick with anonymity. You could feel Eren's eyes on you, but you didn't look at him. If you did, you knew that you would see that sweet teenage boy you loved. The one who you could always talk to, who gave the best hugs, who loved his friends more than anything.

You didn't even know who he was anymore.

You felt yourself growing tired, your eyes getting heavy from the excessive crying. All you wanted to do was go to Levi. To cross the small space between you and wrap yourself in his arms, to have him hold you together. But... he was hurting, too. No one else could sense it, but you could. Hurt was radiating out of him.

You knew that when the airship landed, you would have no time with Levi. He would have to leave immediately to take Zeke to the holding area, and then you wouldn't see him for months.

Once things calmed down a little - once the arguments faded into silence - Levi exited the room, making sure to brush his hand against yours as he passed. The gesture was small enough that no one else noticed, but you knew exactly what it meant.

Wait five minutes, then follow.

¤¤¤¤

As you walked through the halls of the ship, making your way to Levi, you heard a strange noise. Sort of... like a cry. You stopped still, thinking you'd imagined it. But it happened again.

Curious, but also in a hurry, you limped over to the corridor that you'd heard the noise from. When you turned the corner, your heart shattered for the millionth time that day.

Jean was curled in on himself on the floor, his hands covering his ears, his eyes clenched shut. His sobs were heart-breaking, making you want to break down all over again. But you had to be strong.