Playing the Long Game

Episode 1: SMG4 Gets a Date

"TO PROVE THE POWER OF FLEX SEAL, I SAWED THIS–"

"Hahaha! Aha! Tubby custard–"

"–IN HALF!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Saiko clicks her tongue. "Dude, stop trying to make YTPs on the TV. Some of us are trying to watch, y'know."

"What? I thought it was funny," SMG4 protests.

"Mario thought it was-a pretty funny! Do it again!"

Draped over a couch in front of the television in various equally lazy and creative ways are most of the members of SMG4's friend group. It was another boring day in the Mushroom Kingdom, one of those days where there's nothing to do but see what's on TV. A sleepy Tari rubs her eyes.

Meggy groans at the conversation between the other three, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Don't indulge him, 4. Just change the channel to something watchable."

Tari lifts her head off Saiko's lap. "Maybe we could watch Murder Drones," she helpfully suggests.

SMG4 rolls his eyes, but he does what he's told. He's never appreciated enough for his charm and wit around here. One would think that having six million subscribers would earn him all the respect in the world, but some of his friends aren't that shallow. "What channel was that on again?"

Tari shrugs.

"Ah, whatever. I'll find it." SMG4 starts to flip through all the other schlock on TV, doing about the same thing he was doing before, but with a different purpose.

Bzzzt. Bzzzt. Bzzzt. Bzzzt.

Meggy jolts up and swipes the remote from SMG4. "Hey— wait, let's go back one! I think I just saw Swag!" Before he can protest anything, she's already changed the channel. Bzzzt.

Sure enough, it was the one and only Swagmaster6969696969, in a spiffy red suit and the same sunglasses he always wears. Behind the man is an eye-searing green background— but in an instant, it switches to a more pleasant moving collage of pink hearts, which still isn't much better. "Hey you beautiful bitches who wants to get some fucking cash money."

The gang sits at full attention. Money?

"Are you in a loving relationship? Do you like competing for power? Fame? Money? Consider signing up for Swagmaster's Awesome G—"

A hushed voice chastises Swag offscreen. "Swag, you idiot! The other name! The other name!"

"Uh. Uh." Swag produces a handkerchief and dabs some sweat from his brow. "Consider signing up for S– Two... of Hearts!"

The man stands in silence for one of the longest 'five seconds' in history. Someone offscreen coughs. Meggy coughs in solidarity.

"The challenges, Swag!"

Suddenly struck by inspiration, Swagmaster fishes into his pocket and produces some index cards. SMG4 wonders how this made it on air. "Reasons why you should sign up for my epic game show: we have cool challenges! You can get closer to your lovey-dovey partner! We'll be recording you 24/7! Insert fourth awesome thing here!"

Tari nudges Saiko with her elbow. "This looks fun, Saiko! Maybe we should try out!" Saiko only grumbles in response. Swag discards one of his index cards.

"And don't think I forgot. Dramatic pause." What follows is more akin to an awkward pause, but he tried his best. "THE PRIZE!" Swag pauses again. At the mention of a prize, most of the gang is more willing to take him seriously.