American Beauty

No Longer Mine

Selene laid under Dean tiredly. She was trying not to fall asleep, but it was so warm with him laying with her.

Dean took heavy breaths as he pulled out of her. He fell down beside her and his arms fell above his head.

Selene opened her eyes slowly, staring up at the ceiling before her eyes traced over the rays of light that cast shadows over the walls. "Was it as satisfying as expected?" She asked him quietly, unable to help the smile that splayed over her lips.

"Better." He smiled and looked at her. He grunted as he sat up. "Where's your bathroom?"

"Mm," she tried to imagine a way to direct him. "Go out my door, turn left and it's the second to last room at the end of the hall." Selene said before sitting up. She reached over the side of the bed and grabbed her shirt. Clutching it against her chest, she watched him a moment but looked down shyly instead.

He stood and started for the door, but looked back at her. He liked how she was so shy. He smirked and went to the bathroom. He cleaned himself up.

Selene waited for him to leave before she got up from her bed and picked up what remained of her other clothes. She threw them at her laundry basket half-heartedly before glancing over at the closet. The mirror hung in front of her inviting her to stare and she thought about her insecurity a moment before turning to put her back to the mirror.

Turning her head back, Selene gazed at the scar that remained from being shot. Selene let her fingers edge over the ugly scars from her wound. She felt ashamed by it even still, and as her gaze fell to the carpet, she turned around to open her closet and pull out a pair of pajamas.

"Yeah," she sighed, a bit dejected by the feelings of shame that threatened to overtake her thoughts. She leaned back, letting her hair fall over her shoulders and back as she closed her eyes. Things would get better. It just took time.

It didn't take Dean long in the bathroom before he was coming back to Selene's room. He caught her looking a bit depressed, and he frowned. "Hey, what's wrong?" He stepped back in and walked over to her. She wasn't regretting this, was she?

Heat spread through her, making her feel raw and exposed. Had he noticed the marks? The sound of his voice startled her, making her turn her head sharply back in his direction. She crushed her back against the wall quickly, hiding her scar. "It's just a long day," she told him, smiling up at him as he closed the distance between them. Embarrassment flooded through her, making her feel raw and exposed. Had he noticed the marks?

He didn't miss her pull her shirt down like she was hiding something. He slid his hands around her to her lower back. "Is that really what's wrong?"

She tugged her shirt down harder, noticing his hands feel her lower back. "Don't!" She breathed in sharply.

"D-Don't look." Selene said again quickly, reaffirming herself. Her throat felt dry being put in this situation with Dean, but she didn't want to talk about this yet.

He pulled his hands away and stepped back. "Alright." He saw a bit of fear and frowned. Turning around, he grabbed his pants and put them on.

She bit her lip, letting her hair fall down over her face as she lowered her head. "I'm sorry. I just- I can't talk about it right now. It's just something I have to deal with on my own." The words felt icy considering how well they were talking earlier. The anxiety it gave her made her believe maybe she was more of a wreck than she thought. Maybe she shouldn't be attempting to engage in a new relationship. As if the wounds were just as fresh as nearly four years ago.

Selene clenched her teeth. Large tears beaded down from her eyes as she squeezed them shut. She felt so ashamed. What the hell was she doing? Her mind naggingly pressed for an answer, but she couldn't give it. It only seemed to add to her overwhelming feelings that she wasn't good enough. Nothing was good enough.