Define Me | A Soccer Romane [ NEYMAR JR. ]

9. goodbye by definition

Robert Herrick ones said “gather ye rosebuds while ye may. Old time is still a-flying and this same flower that smiles today, tomorrow will be dying.” That line had stayed with Gabriella since forever, very often she could hear it. Especially on days like today.

“Watch out” he said, holding her hand while she got down from the hill rocks. Neymar had found this place online, a far away beach in Qatar located in the least commercial area. They wanted to be alone for as long as they had left, enjoy some of their time like a normal couple on Vacation. Gabriella looked around, the beach was empty and the sun was already setting down so they were lucky. Neymar stood behind her, his arms finding their rightful place around her waist “You like it?”
She watched the orange sky, a smile playing in her lips. Another moment of silence, one of those she loved most. She let herself fall back on his embrace, her back on his chest while she could feel his heartbeat on her bones “I love it.” She confessed. They ha brought with them a basket with food and a bottle of wine and towels to sit on which they left on the ground. They ignored the deadline they had and the problems which had occurred. Neymar was the one that kept changing the subject whenever the mood would drop. He always knew what to say to make her laugh or made a clown of himself if he had to. They took pictures and videos of each other while they ran around the beach.

Gabriella was setting up the fire while he watched.

“We used to do it all the time with my parents.” He had taken a two pieces of wood, rubbing them together to light the fire. “We would sit on the beach, light a fire and play songs on the guitar.”

“That’s why you brought the ukulele with you?” he asked, pointing at the case on the sand. She blushed, finally lighting the fire and clapping for herself. “YES!” He gasped, in disbelief, laughing “Got the smartest girl in the world.” He said, leaning and giving her a kiss on the cheek. They watched as the flames grew bigger, not too big, just enough to make it warmer and give this a nice sight to look at. She leaned on his arms. His head ducked down on her neck, leaving her with kisses all over her shoulder. He rubbed his nose on her chin, as if he was inviting her to tilt her head just enough so he could kiss her. instead of turning she raised her to his head, stroking the back of it.
“Antonella was right. You really are a softie.” She said in a teasing way. His head dropped on her shoulder while he laughed. He moved closer to her. His hands reaching out around hers.
“She was right about you too.”
That made her tense up a little, she twisted her head to look at him. He had that annoying smirk on his face. “You spoke with her about me?” she asked “what did she say?”
He scoffed “that you being a-“ he kissed her ear “a bitch. Was a defense mechanism.”
She opened her mouth wide in shock, smacking him on the shoulder repeatedly. He laughed while groaning in pain and dropped his body back on the sand while she straddled him in between her hips. He was looking up at her still laughing but grabbed her hands before she could hit him again. “I wasn’t a bitch” she complained, looking in his eyes.
“just a little mean sometimes-“
“That is besides the point” she defended. He interlocked their finger and she balanced some of her weight on his hand, leaning forward slightly. “you were annoying, you know.”
“I know” he smiled.
“Didn’t think we’d end up here” she admitted, her eyes drifting away from him. She lowered her body on his like he was a mattress and he let her. She could hear his heartbeat better now, it calmed her. It was like a second she could memorize and listen to all day. His hand got lost in her hair, untangling her curls sometimes. A tear escaped her eye, just a single one, it made it’s way down her nose to his shirt. She closed them then, taking in his smell, his touch, all the sounds, making a photograph in her head of the memory. “Where do we go now?” she asked.

Neymar was looking at the stars, they were so clear in the dark of the night. He thought about it but he had no answer. What could he say that wouldn’t break her heart? They both must have been thinking the same thing, ‘nowhere’. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to escape to. At least not together. He moved under her, sitting up slightly. “let’s go in the water.” Ones again, changing the subject. She looked at the waves, the sea was calm but she doubted it was as warm. Her face must have shown her doubts because Neymar was quick to pick her up while he stood up. She started yelling, knowing what was about to happen, moving in his hold so he’d let her down.

“NEYMAR! NO!”
“I got spare shirts on the car-“ he dropped her over her shoulder while he walked closer on the water
“We’re gonna freeze-“ she kicked her legs, back and forth. It didn’t seem to bother him at all. “PLEASE-“
She was dropped on the water before she had time to finish her sentence. Sinking in the salt and the coldness. Neymar jumped in with his head but she could barely see him in the darkness before she reached for the surface letting out a deep breath. She splashed her hands on the water, trying to keep her balance when his head appeared out of the darkness as well. He swam closer to her laughing while she threw water at him, keeping him as far away as she could until he wrapped his hands around her and pulled her close enough for her to tie her legs around his waist, the waves hitting them both. “its fucking freezing.” She said, getting as close to him as she could, hiding her face on his neck. He laughed. “There could be jellyfish and evil biting fish-“ he laughed even more, his chest vibrating under her. She raised her head to look in his , clearly annoyed “You’re an asshole.”
“Oh come on! I thought we were over that.” His green eyes, settled on her. Those eyes were her demise. She could forgive anything and do anything, like it had been proven. He saw how her face got serious, he rubbed his nose against hers, to get her back on reality. “What is it?” She looked away, her hands placed on the back oh neck, playing with his curls.

“I need to tell you something. It’s been bothering me-“ She sighed “last night. I was drunk…” her voice trailed off.
“You don’t have to apologize again.”
She shook her head “no, it’s not that.” She paused, looked at him “I was drunk but I saw the cameras. I saw the people and I… I knew what I was doing when I kissed you.” She confessed. That seemed to surprise him as he looked at her, his eyebrows pressed together “True, maybe if I was completely sober I wouldn’t have hidden but it’s not like I was completely out of it-“
“That’s why you didn’t react to the pictures?” She nodded. Feeling guilty for dragging him into this on propose. “why?”
“Cause-“ she stopped. Kept opening her mouth to explain everything but no right words could reach her lips. She huffed, tried to escape his embrace by pushing his shoulders but his grip only got tighter, his eyes searching for hers no matter how hard she was trying to avoid it. “I don’t know” she snapped “I just- I wanted the world to know. You know? After Alvarez and don’t think I didn’t see those models looking at you-“
“Wai- wait-. You wanted the world to know what?”
“that you’re mine.” She snapped, finally letting their eyes meet. “Which is completely out of my character, I-“ she scoffed “Nothing ever since I met you has been something that I’d normally do. I’m careful, I analyze everything to the point it hurts- I don’t do impulsive things. I haven’t for a while and I-“ she paused again “I thought if I kissed you. I though if the world knew maybe we could beat the system, maybe a miracle would happen-“ she had began to cry, hyperventilating “like the ones in movies- Maybe we could cheat the system. Tour would be cancelled, you wouldn’t be in Paris. Or at least it would force us to stay together… somehow.” She cupped his face in her hands, leaning her head on his “Somehow it would work.” Her voice breaking “but it didn’t, did it?”

If you asked Neymar he’d tell you that he stopped listening after she said “you’re mine”. He wanted to hear it again. He wanted her to say it again. Hers. He was hers. He kissed her, his tongue entering her mouth, deepening the kiss from the start. She wasn’t slow to respond, Pulling his face closer to hers, asking for more. It was a violent kiss, it was a statement. A part of each other would always belong to each other. Even if there was no future. Her hands slipped down to his shirt and then underneath, her palms on his chest, feeling every inch and shape of his body. She took of his shirt, throwing it in the ocean while He started walking out of the water, not ones breaking this kiss. Not even when he laid her on the towel, hovering above her. Taking off her wet clothes and throwing them in a random direction. He leaned down to her neck, biting it on the same spot he had on their first night. Reminding her that he was as much hers as she was his. She let out a moan, coming from the deepest parts of her soul. He smirked at that, he always liked listening to the reaction he had on her. He reached his hand down in between her thighs. The contact alone was enough to break what little sense she had left and she reached for his belt, quickly untying it and opening his pants.

If she wasn’t his before, she was surely after their bodies collided that night. Becoming one. They gave themselves to each other in any way a person can. It wasn’t just a fuck, it was a promise. His lips mold in between her chest, on her stomach, on her face, on her mouth. Her hands touching anything in reach, scanning his body and its lines. “mine” he whispered in her ear while he moved inside her.
“yours.” She replied in a whisper.

When they were done Neymar dressed her in one of the spare shirts he had on his car, and she used the other towel to cover her legs from the cold. Neymar left his chest bare and put his pants back on. They sat in front of the fire. Gabriella in front of him, sitting in the gab between his legs. He was still kissing her neck while she was trying to get her mind back from where he had taken it. She smiled unconsciously, thinking about It and it had only happen minutes ago.

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may. Old time is still a-flying and that same flower that smiles today, tomorrow will be dying.” She whispered.
“Hm?” he hummed In her neck.
“It’s a poem. I read it as a kid. Talks about how quick life can pass you by. How many things you can lose by not paying attention.” He kissed her cheek, pulling her closer to him. “We did good to each other, didn’t we Ney?”
“I think so, yeah.”
“So it’s ok that we have to say goodbye. It’s better than not getting to say it at all, isn’t it?” She turned her head, facing him. He smiled, reassuring her. Truth was he was breaking inside just as much as her, he just didn’t want to show it. She moved away from him, reaching for her Ukulele and taking out of it’s case I’ve been working on something. She looked at the chords, placing her fingers on the right notes “I’ve been working on something- I just have the a bit of the first verse and chorus for now.” She started playing the chords, slowly. His eyes remained on her, enjoying the view.

“They tried to define me
But they all failed trying
Some of them were lying
Just to see my crying
Then you came along
Little biased and cold
But you saw right through me
Right through their words
God how you define me
Lonely, scared and defying
Took your time to find me
Hiding, breaking and fighting
If I asked would you write me
Just to help remind me
Who I am when I’m lying.”

That’s when he broke. That’s when he realized what he was feeling, how deeply he was breaking. He only understood he was crying when she put her hands on his face to wipe away the tears. She taught him how easy it was to love somebody and how hard it was to let go. He didn’t want to be crying, he didn’t want to make this harder for her. She wiped his tears with her palms “Hey..” she prompted, holding up his face “I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok” he reassured her “I’m ok.”

They hold on to each other that night. Until it was time to go when the sun began to color the sky.
They went back to his house, she helped him pack the bag and he’d take pictures and videos of her any chance he got. She snatched one of his Brazil Jerseys, holding it up “I’m keeping this” she said. He laughed at the statement and nodded. They were happy while packing, laughed and played around with each other. She even tried to steal some more of his clothes and hoodies but he’d snatch them back, putting them where they belonged. She helped him gather the charges and all his other stuff in a bag when she noticed he was putting in one of her own shirts.
“Hey-“
“You get mine. I get yours.”
“You can’t wear that. It’s not fair”
“No.” he said, looking at her, while they stood next to each other “But it smells like you.”
She pecked his lips. Smiling.

On the way to the airport, they were talking about who they thought was going to win the world cup. They both agreed it was Messi. They’d talk about anything as long as they didn’t have to face reality. He laughed when she said, she was happy she didn’t have to see him going up against him on the final because she wouldn’t know who root for. It was a pure laugh. They were both cheery despite the circumstances. When they reached the airport, silence settled between them.

She looked out of the window, normal people passing by, leaving or coming home. She liked airports, she liked examining people.

“Maybe you shouldn’t come inside.” He said and she looked away from the window at him. “If they see us, paparazzi will be here in seconds.”
“The damage is done Neymar.” She said. “I’ll just come say goodbye-“
“I don’t think you should.” He repeated. She could hear it in his voice, he was hiding something.
“Neymar-“
“Ella please.” He topped her voice “I’ll never walk past the gates if you are there.” Her eyes softened, her mind emptying. “I want you there, but I can’t have you there, you know?” she nodded, her eyes stunk with pain. She rubbed them even before tears started rolling down. She rubbed her noise too. “I’m sorry”
“No” she faked a smile and a laugh “You’re right. I’d probably stop you as well, run with you or something.”
He laughed. Held her hand “Maybe one day.” She looked up at that, a faint smile on her lips. “I hope you’ll do great on tour.” He continued “I’m sure you will.”
“Try not to think about me during the games and miss the goals.” She moved closer to him, he held her face on his palm.
“Finish that song. I want you to play it next time we meet.”
They stared in each other’s eyes. She started playing with the ropes on his hoodie, pulling on to them “Next time.”
“In Paris.” He smiled “one day.”
“Some day.” She added. “what happens till then?”
He pushed back her hair, eyeing her entire face. “I’ll play my games, you’ll write your songs.”
“We gather our rosebuds.” She let her head fall on his. Holding his face the same way he was holding hers. He was about say it, she saw it on his lips so she shook her head, her thumb rubbing his mouth “Don’t say it please. It’s better this way. If we stay together, we are gonna ruin this. We’re gonna poison it.” She pecked his lips. He nodded, deepening the kiss. They hugged each other, tightly. “Go.” She whispered in his ear. He obeyed. She watched him from the windows, grabbing his bags, people coming around him when they realized who he is, then walking inside, through the sliding doors. She told him not to say it but she couldn’t keep it herself, so when he was gone from her eyesight she let it slip “I love you.”

He said it too, when he sat on the plane and he opened his phone, watching at the pictures he had taken “I love you.”

When she went home, she sat on the piano. Playing a sad tune at first, no words then she started developing a melody, humming along until she started to sing

“Are we gonna make it? Is this gonna hurt? We could try to sedate it but the never works. I start to imagine a world where we don’t collide… it’s making me sick but we’ll heal and the sun will rise. If you tell me you’re leaving, I’ll make it easy, it will be ok… If we can’t stop the bleeding, we don’t have to fix it, we don’t have to stay, I will love you either way.”