To me, turning 15 was a big deal.
Why? No idea. Maybe it was the number. 15. Maybe because I thought that adults would treat me like a 15-year-old, finally. I wish I knew in what I was going to be thrown.
Fuck being 15, fuck being a teenager, and fuck being someone.
We all want to be seen in our life as «The One»
The one being either good or bad. The most, the greatest, the better, the worst. We all want to be acknowledged for something. We all want our name in people's mouths. «He's the worst at..» «She's the most...»
Everyone (Adults),(people who think they know everything), say that when you're a teenager, you're lost, you're searching for who you are, and who you're going to be. I always thought, personally, that it was bullshit. It's bullshit, truly, but we all go through that bullshit.
Turning 15 meant for me that I was finally a real teenager. It meant parties, alcohol, boyfriends, staying late, sex, and girlfriends. The perfect cliché of the teenage life, like we see in movies. Everyone has their idea of what turning 15 is. This, above, was sadly mine.
Those «Best Years Of My Life» (like everyone says, (Adults again), I understand why they called it like that. And I totally agree, but the best years of my life were not as I thought they would be.
It started with endless thoughts, over and over again. Ripping your head out, twisting every notion you've known of Life.
«Is that really life»
«No, it cannot be»
«Yes, it is»
«No, it can't»
«Maybe, it could»
«Only crazy people would believe that»
«What is crazy»
«Am-I crazy»
«No»
«Yes»
«Definitely»
I'm talking about these thoughts, the ones that make you question every little thing. The big questions then follow:
«What kind of person do I want to be?»
«How should I respond to that?»
«Is she really a friend?»
«Can I trust them?»
«What should I think of that?»
«Who I am?»
«What I'm going to be?»
«Do people think I look stupid?»
«What if people think that?»
«What if?»
«What if?»
«What if?»
We are exposed to hundreds of opinions, and the hardest thing to do is to make your own and truly believe in it. Is what I'm thinking right? Is it wrong? That's when being 15 hit me. Hit me in the brain, the heart, all. It's hard to build your own personality, your own person.
We are expected to believe in ourselves, to be okay with everything, to keep going, to understand everything, to answer correctly, to not be wrong, to trust, to love, and to hate. Even when you do not know who you are.
I'm the kind of person who thinks mostly that everything is wrong, bullshit, lies.
Hard to truly accepts compliments, hard to trust, hard to believe people, etc...
I have to learn myself over and over again. I don't wish, I don't believe and I don't trust.
Signing off,
Your passionate writer.
YOU ARE READING
Turning 15 is shit
RandomRead it and tell me you don't feel the same Short text about how turning 15 was to me.
