𝒑𝒆𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒓 ᖭི༏ᖫྀ 𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚖𝚜

chapter two: the unstoppable force - part two

[warning: this chapter contains a lesbophobic slur]

[II]

I WAS DEAD.

That's what they were all thinking. Some, I imagine, were wracking their brains for any other alternative, even though in the back of their minds, they had come to a conclusion. Others had settled with the nihilistic reality, eyeing me like I was already a corpse. Which I was, really. To all of them.

But I really, really didn't want to die.

I was now the centre of the discussion, the centre of the decision, whatever was to be done with me was now laid on the table with knives and forks that these people had to grimly stuff into their mouths, no matter how much they wished they didn't have to.

Yes, I was on trial.

"Are you...okay?" Abby asked feebly, knowing that in no sense whatsoever was anything ever going to be okay again. Not for me anyways. Realistically, if there was any chance of me seeing the light of day again, I would be an amputee. It was my job now to convince them that was a feasible option. It had to be.

"Cut it off." I said bluntly.

The group grimaced at my request, only knowing second hand what the pain of amputation looked and sounded like. But I was willing to do it. They peered amongst each other, waiting for someone to make a decision. Though the group was democratic, we all knew Abby was really the leader. This gave me a glimmer of hope; if anyone wanted my life to be saved it would be her.

"No."

I bit my lip in anguish as I turned to the voice who had made the conclusion. Abby stood there, refusing to look into my eyes. My throat tightened and it took about ten strenuous seconds to desperately utter the one syllable,
"Why?"

One of the group, Mel, started to babble,
"We could cut wrong, or the wound could be too far spread, plus we don't have any disinfectant-"

"You can't come. I can't take an amputee on with me. You'd be too much dead weight."

The interruption was made by the semi-leader, who now had not even a shred of remorse in her tone. I let out what could only be described as a choke-sob, as tears started to fall.

"Dead weight? Is that what surmounts the months and months of being together in the end? God I can barely look at you, Abby. You go fuck around with any girl you find on the road I guess, because clearly I was never of any importance. Fuck..." I breathed between sobs, catching my breath. "You...you..." my throat spasms were making it hard for me to talk as my crying got more intense. "...you bitch."

She said nothing for a moment, and then turned to leave, mumbling, "Nothing is more important than this mission. Nothing."

My last shred of hope fluttered onto the pale snow, and fell with my face. I was in hysterics. I really loved her so much, I could barely comprehend what she was doing to me. But one sentence solidified it all.

"Cuff her."

The others looked regretful as they turned to me, and suddenly, the shadow of doom cast over my heart.

"No...no, no, no, no. Please please please, I don't want to be one of them, you know I don't. Jordan, Mel, Nick. Nick don't do this. Remember all the good times? You can't just leave me here to turn. You wouldn't do that, right? Right? Fuck, please just cut off my fucking leg, I beg you, I beg you. Please don't leave me like this..." I felt delirious with panic, spouting out anything I could come up with that might save me from this fate. I heaved and wept and tried to fight them off as they latched a tight pair of handcuffs to one hand, and the other to the chain link fence that separated us from the forest. I kicked and writhed but with was so many of them, it was futile; they restrained me well.