Lost in Love

Chapter 1 - There's a light that never goes out

It was a bitter December evening when Sirius knocked on the Yorkshire cottage door for the first time in thirteen years. He was a little scared of seeing Remus again, simply because he hadn't been given a chance to move on, he was very much still in love with him. When Remus opened the door Sirius almost didn't recognise him, the thirteen years had taken its toll. The old sparkle in his hazel eyes had gone, his face looked weathered, tired, yet Sirius couldn't supress a smile.

"Come in, come in," Remus ushered. Sirius walked in slowly, taking in the house. His mind walked him down the road, imagining himself living here with Remus. Remus had asked him, he'd said that after two years together and since they practically lived together anyway, Sirius should move in with him. They had a small flat in the outskirts of London and although the area was shitty, the flat was beautiful, a spacious kitchen with a fireplace and a little wooden table which they used to eat at. But most of all, it was filled with love, something Sirius hadn't been lucky enough to grow up with. There were so many memories riddled in the walls, mainly beautiful happy ones but one that darkened the room like a black cloud. "Tea?" Remus suggests, snapping Sirius out of his trance.

"Hm yes please," Replied Sirius. He didn't really feel like it but he knew Remus was just trying to be kind. "Thanks," he said as he took the mug from him.

"How have you been?" Remus asked.

"Well, living off rats mostly but its got one up on Azkaban!" Sirius chuckled, but Remus apparently didn't see the funny side.

"You could've just come here."

"I wasn't sure you wanted to see me." Sirius looked down at the floor, dropping the eye contact. Remus didn't reply. Instead, he lay a hand on Sirius' frail one and whispered to him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not fighting hard enough for you, I'm sorry for not trusting you enough. I really am." Sirius gazed up at him.

"Moony, it was never your fault."

"It was never yours either. I can see you've blamed yourself for what happened, but you can't. You can't have known Peter was going to turn against us."

"I could have know you wouldn't." Sirius said, and Remus couldn't argue with that.

"It doesn't matter Sirius, you're here now." Tears started to form in his eyes. Remus pretended he hadn't noticed and began clearing away the mugs, but when he turned around Sirius was crying into his hands with his elbows on the table. Remus lay a comforting hand on Sirius' back but Sirius jumped away looking shocked.

"Sorry!" Remus exclaimed, he walked over to Sirius cautiously. Hot tears are streaming down his face, he looks a mess. Remus gently placed his hand around the back of Sirius neck and moved to put his arms around him in an attempt to comfort him. It doesn't work because Sirius ends up hyperventilating on the kitchen floor. He used to have episodes like this after something happened with his family or after something became too much for him. It had been a while, but Remus was no stranger to them. He picked him up and carried him upstairs to the spare bedroom where he lay him on the bed. He crouched down next to him, taking his hand.

"Okay, it's going to be okay. You're safe here, they can't get you. Sirius, listen to me. You're safe, it's just you and me."

"Moony?" Sirius gasped.

"You're going to be okay. You're safe," Remus repeated, he was stroking Sirius' hair with one hand, holding his arm with the other. Sirius was calming down and starting to breathe normally again. His eyes returned to their usual state of mysterious grey. Sirius had always been the light in Remus' life. His person, the one he could always rely on, he'd lost that person for twelve years, and now, call it fate, he was back. And although he may be broken, he was still the light, the light that never goes out.

"I'm glad you're home," whispered Remus. Whether Sirius heard him or not he didn't know, he had drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

p.s - There's a light that never goes out , The Smiths