why didn't you call‚ sisagy?

thy heart pang

SISAGY

"Malubha na ang CLL o mas kilalang Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia ng iyong pamangkin Mrs Cruz. We need bone marrow transplant. Kailangang kaagad agapan ito kung hindi," the doctor breathe heavyweight and says‚ "I'm sorry to inform you that she has just one year left to live... and the medicine is no longer able to save her." pagkarinig ni tita sa sinabi ng doktor hindi niya na napigilang hindi humagulgol.

The reality is so agonizing that it feels like I was shot by a gun.

My chamber door creaks‚ and I assume it's my aunt opening it. I pretend not to have heard what they were saying.

"Ta‚ What's going on? Has anything happened?" tanong ko kay titang ayaw tumigil sa pag-iyak.

Sa totoo lang, awang-awa na ako sa kanila. I think now is the moment for me to decide.

Pinilit kong umupo pero napahiga ako at napadaing sa sakit.

"T-Ta‚ What's going on? What's wrong?" dugtong kong tanong.

Nasasaktan akong makita silang ganito.

"Lumulubha na raw ang CLL mo‚ iha." sagot ni tito.

I gave them a sincere smile to take away their suffering. I blinked. Yes, I am aware, Uncle. I accepted my fate.

They are my only remaining family that are still alive, therefore I made the decision to live life to the fullest while I still had it.

"Ta‚ it's okay makakasama ko na sila lola‚ lolo‚ Justine‚ Dada at si Mama‚" I resist sobbing. "I'm fine. . . I realize it na po and have already come to terms with my fate‚" I paused,"Be unconcerned about me. . . Avoid pushing it. . . doing so will only cost money. I just have to embrace the time I have left. . . my arduous final breath." I added.

Aunt forced a smile and made the decision to accept my choice.

That evening we decided to discharge. I'm tired of hospitals. I miss home.

When my best friend knows that I have been discharged, she comes over right away.

"Sisagy!" She gave me a hug so tight that I was unable to breathe.

"I miss you!" I told her as I gave her a hug back.

"You want to appreciate the time you have left?" biglang bulalas niya,

I raised my eyebrow.

Parang nabasa niya ang aking tanong kaya, "Tita Lora told me," she smiled "Milove, I have an idea!" she giggled.

"What is it? Don't tell me it'd kalokohan nanaman‚ 'wag na te‚ duda ako sa'yo." I jest.

We laughed loudly.

SISAGY

Ume is right‚ rpw is an good idea. At first it's kind of boring but in the end I really love the idea of my best friend.

I enjoyed joining in clans‚ hoods‚ gangs‚ girls squad and many more.

My new pastime is this-My universe. . . stupid but real.

I found my universe. I have not only found the one I can love, but also the one I can hurt.

He is Xav Santiago in real life and Uno-is his rpw name. He is so kind and thoughtful that he always makes me smile.

We have been dating for 5 months and 3 days.

Even when my condition worsened, I continued to hide it from him.

I was wrong to believe he wouldn't hurt me.

Yesterday, I picked up the phone when an unknown number called.

What I've learned from the girl has startled and astounded me so much. Lylia Santiago is her name. . . she is sister of Xav.

At first ayaw kong maniwala dahil may tiwala ako kay Xav but her sister sent a proof that his kuya are cheating.

I confronted Xav, I asked him but he refused to answer truth, he didn't tell me the truth. I was hurt. Ang akala kong lalaki na hindi ako sasaktan ay sinaktan ako not physical but emotional.

Nararamdaman kong malapit na akong mawalan ng hininga, I sent Xav a "I love you" message.

XAV

Sisagy is the woman I want to marry, I'm sure of it. Pinag-iiponan ko na ang perang gagastusin ko para sa pamamanhinkan ko kay Sisagy.

It's Sisagy's birthday today so I decided to surprise her.

I absolutely miss her, but I was too busy the entire week to update her.

Her phone number is unreachable when I call it. My heart is thumping so quickly, I can feel it.

I decided to open my social media account. And I immediately smiled when I saw Sisagy texted to me- "I love you." I was about to reply to her but Tita Lora is calling.

"Hello po‚ Where is Sisagy po? She's not answering my call-" I stopped when I heard Tita Lora started sobbing.

"W-What happen po?" kinakabahan kong tanong.

"I-I'm sorry Xav but Sisagy has passed away. H-Hiling niya sa akin na sabihin ko sayo p-pagpatak ng k-kaarawan niya."

I'm too stunned to speak‚ I can feel my feet trembling. I collapse at the floor and mama rushes to me.

I wept. I can't even get a good night sleep. Every night I dream about her.

Aaminin ko na nagtatampo ako kay Sisagy pero wala na akong magagawa pa─ hindi ko man lang nalaman na may sakit pala siya.

Kung nalaman ko lang tiyak na siya'y buhay pa ngayon- my father is a doctor.

Ang balak kong pakasalan iniwan na ako.

I long for her laughter.

I miss her angelic face.

I miss her- all of her.

I am aware that together does exist‚ and forever doesn't.