Cursed Genshin Oneshots

Diluc x Kuki Shinobu (TAKE 1)

Diluc gets off the boat in Inazuma and looks at his surroundings, surprised by all the purple. Diluc, now significantly poorer from his recent adventures into exotic grapefruit, was hoping to exploit the locals' rampant alcoholism. This time though, Diluc came to Inazuma to research a new fruit, the lavender melon. 
As he disembarks the ship from Mondstadt, his gorgeous, succulent, fiery red locks flowing in the wind he sees someone standing under just the tree he’s looking for, a man, looking like a bumbling idiot playing with what looks like… beetles?? The man looks up, making eye contact with Diluc, and his eyes widen.
“Broski, sick hair! Who’s your stylist? You gotta introduce me sometime. Speaking of introductions, you now get the great honour of meeting the one, the Oni, Arataki Itto!!” Diluc was blindsided. For a nation closed from the rest of the world, he expected its inhabitants to be a bit more... Intelligent looking. 
"That's none of your business.. and I'm not interested in whatever you're doing so leave me alone; I have some stuff I need to do here." Diluc responded. Diluc swiftly walks past this.. this oaf. He continues on, roaming the streets of Inazuma City when he starts to hear a young woman’s voice, berating an Inazuman shogunate. 
Itto is following closely behind Diluc, even after the berating he just gave the oni. “Why are you following me?” Asks Diluc. “My friends over there.” Itto says, pointing in the direction of a very small looking woman. Diluc’s gaze turned towards the woman, admiring her verbal barrage, laying into the shogun soldier. “How dare you try to arrest my boss, just because he is an oni. I’ve kept my eye on him all day, and he's done absolutely nothing wrong. Aside from ruthlessly beating children at games. And animal cruelty towards beetles. And stealing my sandwich. But other than that he has been a good boy.” 
The woman had an angry expression on her face and her hands on her hips. Diluc couldn't take his eyes off of her; as angry as she was she was kinda pretty.
Diluc wondered how a woman this pretty could be friends with someone like the man standing behind him, except, Itto wasn’t standing behind him anymore? He strutted over to the pretty lady and put his arm around her “hey kuki, I made a new friend! Hey buddy, what’s your name?” Itto points to Dill pickle, and now that a pretty lady was involved, Dildo was interested. 

Dehydrogenase-enzyme-function introduced himself “I am Diluc, wine expert of Monstadt. I came here to try to create a new brand of wine, but now I'm here to try to create a new kind of child. Want to join me?”  
The lady stared at Delissio with a blank expression. "I'm Kuki Shinobu.." She spoke. Dipoop pooped in excitement, but in his pants so she couldn't see. With a quick sniff, Kuki made a disgusted face. Tighnari also smelt it from fucking Sumeru. Dinosaur then killed himself from embarrassment.
Kuki kept her promise, and while the body was still warm, fucked Difuls corpse until there was a viable specimen inside her,
making diluc trip a success. After 9 months she names the corpses baby after his father. Itto.