He studies himself in the mirror. It's a stranger who answers his silent stares. His body doesn't feel like his own anymore, every movement appears acted out by someone else.
A dark suit. An odd sight even for him. Formal clothes make him uncomfortable, they don't fit him well. He dislikes the cream-coloured uniforms the army has too, but duty is duty.
Just like it's his duty to attend today.
He adjusts his tie, the dark coloured cloth clawing at his neck. He feels like he's choking. The family declined the military standard, blamed it on the army their daughter had left in the first place. Maybe they're right. But you were proud to be a soldier, he knows better than anyone else.
He stills for a moment. There's noise outside, kids yelling. Cars driving by. Birds cooing. Mourning doves. He shivers. It all seems so familiar, but it doesn't feel right after all he's been through. Everything manages to make him nostalgic these days, and it often leaves a stinging in his chest that never goes away completely. Maybe it's a sign he's getting old.
Sun shines through the crack between the curtains. The small ray of light ends right on him, leaving an imprint on his chest.
He lifts a hand, places it over the spot where his heart sits and his eyes fall shut. Warmth travels up his spine.
He remembers. Remembers kissing you. Telling you you'd only have one option to choose if you really wanted to see him in a suit. You had laughed, flustered for sure.
He can't look himself in the eyes anymore and rushes to leave his place by the mirror. It's almost time to go, thoughevery time he stands opposite the door, he begins to doubt, and he contemplates if this is a good idea after all.
The world feels wrong. Empty. It's nothing but shades of grey. His head finds the cool door and he uses it for a moment of rest. He doesn't want to think about it. Up until now he had done a stellar job at procrastinating. Ignoring the emptiness he is forced to face. And he's glad that his mind hasn't caught up with the truth just yet.
He knows his limits. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐧 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥. But he also knows he needs to do this. Not for himself. But for you. This is the last time he can pay his proper respects, he knows you'd want this.
