The Crossing

Darkness has settled in

Chapter 1

I hoped it could be different, but you know what they say about hoping, it breeds eternal turmoil.
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And there she was again, Katerina, her long strawberry blonde hair flowing over her shoulders, her pale white skin, her hazel eyes staring out of the window, brows furrowed, she was visibly tired sitting in the corner seat of her therapist's office as she had done so for the past five months, two sessions a week. At age twenty four she was exhausted, she was sent to Dr. Lauren Tomson as per request of her family, they wanted to fix her, however Katerina didn't need to be fixed, she just needed a friend someone she could trust. Trust came with such a high price and Katerina didn't want to relive the dreadful times she had trusted and it had ended in an absolute heart breaking, gut wrenching heartache. She had just about given up on humanity, with all the sh*t she went through, who could blame her really, only everyone had always said, " look at the bright side, you're alive, you've got a job and even if you don't really go out you have your family who cares about you.  So be happy." Like it was as easy as flicking a switch, oh yes, she was just going to flick a switch in her mind and be completely cured of all her past traumas and that was that she'd be "fixed".
Katerina dreaded these sessions, they meant heartache and pain, to relive and retell her story, her past, over and over and f*cking over again. She hated it, and worst was that she could see Dr. Tomson didn't give two sh*ts whether she stayed and told her, her problems and deepest inner thoughts and or if she just sat there not saying a word, she was getting paid either way. She despised psychologists, they all seemed so fake, they never truly cared and believe me when I say Katerina had seen her fair share of psychologists. When she was first bullied in school and started suffering from the worst panic attacks she had ever experienced, where she would pass out in the hallways of her school, she was so f*cking tired. Her mother had arranged for her to meet a psychologist to help her with her panic attacks and she truly wanted to get help back then but even at age sixteen she was disappointed. All Dr. Jack Walkerson wanted to talk about, was her past, sure it seemed like he wanted to help, but even he seemed not so truly focused on her, like he was biding his time for the session to be over, so he could be done with her and get paid already. Katerina wasn't stupid she could see right through this man's fake facade. So she decided to "fix" herself by lying, telling him what he oh so desperately wanted to hear, that he could make her seem to finally no longer be suffering from all her panic attacks and it was all thanks to him, the oh so intelligent Dr. Walkerson. She did that because A, her mother was wasting her money on this a-hole and B, she was done with this fake man, she was done spending so much of her time fighting the urge to just smack this entitled old man senseless for his stupid attempt of trying to convince her he cared.

"So Katerina, tell me how have you been? Have you been experiencing any of your old nightmares you told me about recently?", Dr. Tomson asked, bringing Katerina back to the present day. Katerina shifted her eyes slowly over the room and then letting them land on Dr. Tomson. Dr. Tomson was a thin woman who seemed to be in her later fifties, with silver blonde hair, laugh lines decorating her face, thin brows, her left brow slightly lifted as she looked Katerina in the eyes waiting for her response. "Yeah, well I guess they come and go. But yeah, a few nights ago I had that dream again, the one where I was a child, when I was six years old." Katerina said looking Dr. Tomson straight in the eyes, challenging her. "And how did that make you feel?" Katerina hated that question, "how did that make you feel" rubbish, they didn't care, it was the line she was always asked. This stupid line truly had no meaning to her, how did it make her feel?! "How do you think it made me feel doc? Scared? Confused? Upset? How would you feel if you kept having the same dream over and over and f*cking over again, where you were molested by your brother's friend? Only to find out it wasn't the guy you thought it was, where your mother would have told you he was innocent, that it was his older brother who had touched you in ways no child should ever be touched?" Katerina said this with disgust and frustration lacing her words.
"Katerina, I know you're upset, but please answer the question. I know you think this is pointless but I need you to trust me and to answer the question." Trust her, like Katerina would ever trust this woman in front of her, when she knew all this woman wanted was to get paid and that was that. This, her pain and anguish she feels is just a job to Dr. Tomson, so how could she possibly trust her? Katerina stayed silent for a moment, thinking of whether or not she was going to tell the truth, "Fine, you want the truth doc? I don't trust you even after five months of this torture, of you trying to "fix" me, like I'm broken, but seeing as I'm p*ssed the f*ck off and I'm paying you I might as well vent" Dr. Tomson, just sat and listened, she knew it was a rare moment for Katerina to open up and she wasn't going to ruin the chance at helping her get through this and to fully understand the gravity of it all. Even though Katerina had been coming to her for help for the last five months they really hadn't made a lot of progress, mainly due to Katerina not being able to truly formalise the sentences she needed to hear out loud. She needed to hear it and understand that the whole world isn't against her and that whatever she had been suffering with she could help her deal with the trauma of it all, Katerina just needed to give her a chance.
"Alright then, so the dream always starts the same, it always starts the f*cking same. I'm six years old and I'm sitting behind my brother on the coach, his friend decides to sit next to me, and then this f*cker asks me for a blanket because apparently his weak *ss is cold." She scoffs, "anyway so I bring him the blanket because apparently I just did whatever the hell I was told back then", rolling her eyes at her past self. "I sit next him and throw the blanket over his and my legs, because as you can see I am forever freezing", showing off her warm jacket and long warm pants and boots, even though it's almost twenty-five degrees Celsius. "Anyway so I'm watching my brother play whatever game he was playing and then all of a sudden I feel this weird feeling, a hand, his hand on my leg. Mind you I'm a f*cking child and this seriously p*sses me off now because what the f*ck man?!" Clearing her throat she continues, "so yeah his hand is on my leg and he is circling with his thumb tracing it up my leg and all I can do is stare up at him not sure what to do, if only I opened my stupid f*cking mouth and told him to stop. But of course I didn't. So yeah he proceeded to go higher and higher while I just became even more nervous and unsure of this whole situation. Needless to say he eventually came to my downstairs region and proceeded to use his thumb to kneed me. I was truly horrified." Katerina is staring out into space remembering every painful detail, tears forming in her eyes, but she refuses to grant them a chance to roll as she blinks them away quickly. "Yeah well anyway you can imagine a six year old not really knowing what to do but wanting to cry because of this sick f*ck. And then I wake up always heart pounding, always stressed out of my f*cking mind until I realise it was just that f*cking dream again. But yeah it's not something you would call a pleasant awakening." She rolls her eyes at herself.
"Thank you Katerina for trusting me enough to share this with me, I know it's not easy for you." Katerina gives a bitter laugh, "Like I said doc, I don't trust you, I'm just p*ssed off." Dr. Tomson gives her a weak smile, " I'm aware of what you said, but regardless thank you for sharing this with me." Dr. Tomson looks at the watch as she realises today's session is over. "It seems our session is over today, will you be able to come for your next session on Monday morning at nine o'clock?" Katerina narrows her eyes, looking as unpleased as always, "Time sure does fly by when you're having fun, huh doc. Yeah whatever, I'll be here then. Not that I want to but seeing as I did pay for a package I might as well not waste my money, even though I already feel like this is wasting my money." And with that Katerina looks Dr. Tomson dead in the eyes, giving her a knowing look and walks out.