Something weird was going on. Where they trying to trick me into confessing? That was never in a million gajillion years gonna happen, BOOBOO!
The principal looked frustrated. She looked like she genuinely wanted to catch the thief, which was me, btw, and she had no idea.
"So you lost my computer?"
"Well, " she gulped, "You see-"
"I don't see!"
"Technically, it was stolen."
"My brand new computer that costs $1,000,000?"
"The thing is, I can pay you back, we are insured."
I couldn't believe what was happening! My computer was still literally tucked in my underpants, and she was offering the money to buy a new one! OH MY POOPLEHEIM!
I tried to look chill, took a couple of deep breaths and said, "Gimme the money!" my mouth was watering, my knees were shaking in excitement and anticipation.
Behind the principal, Mr. Bob let out a heavy burp. "If I ever find the scallywag who did this, I shall keelhaul him or her!"
I almost fainted, but I managed to keep m'cool. The principal asked how I would prefer the payment, and the options presented themselves readily to me.
Was I to choose golden drachmas? Imperial gold? Celestial bronze? Stygian iron? Norse red gold a.k.a. tears of Freya? Chinese yuan? US dollars? Wechat Pay? Alipay? Uncut blood diamonds? One million points for Gryffindor?
In the end, I chose golden drachmas.
The principal gave me a huge bag the size of a football, but way heavier. I think it might have been heavier than me! I carried it back to the classroom, afraid that my original computer would just pop out of my pants any second. Fortunately, it did not. I made it safely back to the classroom where my incognito friends Roger and Alex gave me worried looks.
I gave them a thumbs up and a good old fart for good measure, and their faces broke into identical, enormous smiles.
We decided to go buy stuff with m'money after school, but not any ordinary stuff--we were gonna go get some magical items with my golden drachma. I really wanted a New York Yankees invisibility cap or possibly a Helm of Darkness, and I wanted to hire me some elder cyclopes to build stuff for me all the time.
So, that's what happened.
