Phoenix Tears

Chapter 13: The mud between my toes

"Dobby, it's been nearly a week and even I can see that this is wearing you out. You've got to stop waiting on me, hand and foot. Please!" Harry said, exasperation threading his voice.

"Dobby doesn't understand. Harry Potter called Dobby! Harry Potter asked Dobby for food," the little elf insisted.

"I know! And I am so grateful for your help and the delicious food you brought," Harry paused, wondering what he could say this time to convince Dobby. "It's just... it makes me feel helpless when you do everything for me and I don't like that."

"Harry Potter doesn't like Dobby helping him?" the elf wailed.

"Oh, no, Dobby. That's not what I meant," Harry backpedaled, locating the hunched figure by the sound of his distressed sobs. "Of course, I like your help. It's just that... I need to be able to do things on my own, too. If I show up at Hogwarts in a few weeks and can't even manage to tuck in my own serviette, Dean and Seamus are going to take the mickey out of me and that's not even saying anything about what Malfoy will do."

A warm breeze wafted across his face and Harry turned his head, following it. It had almost felt like the caress of a hand. Dobby's sobs quieted to occasional hiccups and sniffles.

"Dobby wanted Harry Potter to be safe and fed."

"And Harry... I mean, I am. I am safe and fed. You have been a good friend..." Harry paused here because Dobby had started wailing again. "Dobby has taken good care of Harry Potter," Harry ran his hand over Dobby's shuddering back, trying to soothe him. "And Harry wants Dobby to also be well. Please, Dobby. You are too tired and working too hard."

"Dobby is tired," the elf said in a quiet voice and Harry sighed with relief even as the little elf started crying again... this time muttering about Harry's immense kindness. After a bit, they came up with a plan...Harry promised to call Dobby if ever he had need, even the slightest discomfort, and the elf would send food twice a week.

After that, Dobby seemed to be himself again. Constantly attending to Harry while also managing his job at the Center had been exhausting the little elf. Dobby would send a basket of food that would sustain Harry for a week (what with duplication and preservation charms) and then on Sunday evenings, the elf would join Harry for a hot meal that they would share together.

Harry very much looked forward to those evenings and learned a lot about the progress of the Center (it was going to reopen at the beginning of September) as well as other news in the wixen world. He was also learning about house-elf life and culture. With sadness, he learned that Dobby's freedom, while greatly desired, also came with a cost. He was ostracized and mistrusted among house elves. He ached to think that he caused Dobby to suffer the kind of loneliness and isolation he had felt most of his life... he hadn't even asked Dobby if freedom was what he wanted.

In this way, the weeks until the start of term passed. Though there were times when Harry felt alone and far away from his friends, he was able to overcome the feelings of isolation by practicing apparating—he didn't venture far beyond the stone circle... he had to know the destination intimately before he could move to it... so his time on the surface was spent learning new areas he could apparate to. He'd pop to a spot that he already knew—the surface of a stone that he'd run his hands over until he could visualize it—and then explore the area around it until he could jump to it with just the memory of how the earth felt under his feet. There had to be something distinctive about it that set it apart from other areas so that it was firmly set in his mind's-eye. Even though he knew that he had apparated from the Burrow to the Stone Circle, the thought of making such a leap again knowingly was unnerving. He settled his fears by working on the small jumps until he could do them without hesitation.